tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8774747458787833955..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: F2S 52Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25041212770282099212008-12-05T11:25:00.000-05:002008-12-05T11:25:00.000-05:00Woah! She's a ghost!! I was shocked and interest...Woah! She's a ghost!! I was shocked and interested.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68350888157980535452008-12-04T09:54:00.000-05:002008-12-04T09:54:00.000-05:00Selene is a ghost and ex-girlfriend to Calvin, who...Selene is a ghost and ex-girlfriend to Calvin, who is not handling her death well. Yeah, I’d bite.Anette J Kreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675193405511996480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84749176728083216102008-12-04T00:01:00.000-05:002008-12-04T00:01:00.000-05:00I wouldn't say I'm absolutely hooked yet, but I wo...I wouldn't say I'm absolutely hooked yet, but I would probably read on a bit to see if something actually happens in this scene, or if it's all just musings and backstory.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85200518399852994372008-12-03T23:11:00.000-05:002008-12-03T23:11:00.000-05:00whoa! Definitely hooked. Dark beginning can be ver...whoa! Definitely hooked. Dark beginning can be very intriguing. I would love to know their relationship and what they have to drown out.Bethlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00399849555406133310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63564281445837943352008-12-03T21:29:00.000-05:002008-12-03T21:29:00.000-05:00Nice start.Nice start.Opinionatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11546456650917079216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18842000712530347582008-12-03T21:11:00.000-05:002008-12-03T21:11:00.000-05:00Ghost as a POV character, well, that's intriguing!...Ghost as a POV character, well, that's intriguing! I'd read.Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11866717772600438612008-12-03T18:26:00.000-05:002008-12-03T18:26:00.000-05:00Oh, interesting. I absolutely didn't see the ghost...Oh, interesting. I absolutely didn't see the ghost part. I thought Selene meant she'd drowned her memories a year ago.<BR/><BR/>I don't read paranormal, though, so I guess I just didn't go in that direction right away!<BR/><BR/>I think it works as it is, although the second sentence is long and comma-heavy... I don't know if we need to know where he's drinking - could you just say the losing himself in the drink part and leave out local bars?Heather Wardellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07266031957030063157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42356893707050691752008-12-03T17:57:00.000-05:002008-12-03T17:57:00.000-05:00Heh... was Calvin sleeping on the dresser? That's ...Heh... was Calvin sleeping on the dresser? That's my mental picture since you mentioned the dresser... <BR/><BR/>That said - I like the quiet sound to your MC here, and am hooked by the ghost character element.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2856548955357541712008-12-03T17:14:00.000-05:002008-12-03T17:14:00.000-05:00So Selene is a ghost? I like it.So Selene is a ghost? I like it.JS Bangshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09380732454877495290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68206627381050150012008-12-03T16:04:00.000-05:002008-12-03T16:04:00.000-05:00Hooked! When you first read it, you think ... oh, ...Hooked! When you first read it, you think ... oh, it's just a bartender watching a man at a bar ... but BAM! Nope! She's dead! Cool!Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15498766421459190134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7838746348298441382008-12-03T15:35:00.000-05:002008-12-03T15:35:00.000-05:00I enjoyed the delivery and the voice, though I hat...I enjoyed the delivery and the voice, though I hate paranormal so it's unfortunately a pass--to no fault of the writing.<BR/><BR/>The last bit... "like she had drowned a year ago" felt rushed... tacked on. <BR/><BR/>I know you're limited to two sentences here, but I think you could spread this to three or four in the writing to greater effect.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772115162429818530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15303118146942239352008-12-03T15:17:00.000-05:002008-12-03T15:17:00.000-05:00I liked this a lot and would definitely keep on re...I liked this a lot and would definitely keep on reading. Any story coming from a ghost is a great plot angle for me. Nice hook!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19880904060337365812008-12-03T13:37:00.000-05:002008-12-03T13:37:00.000-05:00Hooked! I would definitely read on. It promises ...Hooked! I would definitely read on. It promises an interesting ghost story.About Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10011023963327391019noreply@blogger.com