tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8845525689287099615..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: 21 Query ContestAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58970336609398358692009-11-20T03:28:32.335-05:002009-11-20T03:28:32.335-05:00These are helpful comments. How does one post one&...These are helpful comments. How does one post one's query and writing for criticism? Thank you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74252177577092524902009-07-31T23:37:36.142-04:002009-07-31T23:37:36.142-04:00I thought this was contemporary fantasy until you ...I thought this was contemporary fantasy until you said Aegean backdrop at the end. <br /><br />Ten years old is pretty young for YA; most YA readers (unless they actually are adults who just like the genre) don't want to read about kids that much younger than them. The wordcount is long, regardless. <br /><br />I suspect a lot of that count could actually just be trimmed from the prose. The sample pages reveal wordiness and a lack of clarity. There's a lot of "it" without being told what *it* is, which is frustrating. And whose POV are we in? I can't see a reason to hide important information from the reader. <br /><br />So in spite of some neat ideas -- Nikolas not being human was unexpected! -- I'm not hooked.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15280717215764196742009-07-31T22:08:00.445-04:002009-07-31T22:08:00.445-04:00Agree that you need some commas added. Also, I thi...Agree that you need some commas added. Also, I think the paragraph on Chaos is irrelevant. Chaos seems to know a lot, but you say in the query he/she is unable to do anything but watch, so it sounds like Chaos is just an observer. I'd rather hear about the one who has the power to destroy Nikolas. I'd rewrite the Chaos paragraph to focus on this being instead.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66800664650246435942009-07-30T00:07:22.007-04:002009-07-30T00:07:22.007-04:00The Query: The initial couple of sentences could u...The Query: The initial couple of sentences could use a comma or two. Also, though it is indicated that the story is set against an ancient Aegean backdrop, I don't get a feel for the setting in the main paragraphs of the query.<br /><br />The premise is interesting and I think the MC has a lot of potential as a hero, but the query just didn't keep me curious enough to read on. I was not hooked.pj schnyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06770556738469006567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69491312083647885852009-07-29T21:15:46.179-04:002009-07-29T21:15:46.179-04:00The only trouble I saw was the change of POV in th...The only trouble I saw was the change of POV in the third paragraph.<br /><br />I guess I have a different take on relying on age as a determing factor of genre. Just because the character is 10 doesn't dictate it's MG. It didn't in Bartimeaus, or Harry Potter. So I wouldn't concern yourself on that.<br /><br />I'm curious as to why Chaos can't help. Perhaps something is missing in the query?<br /><br />I did read on.<br /><br />Not sure how I feel on the 250 words. I am curious as to what is going on and would probably read on to see what happens. <br /><br />To me, it seems not much can be determined from 250 words in terms of story for any of the entrants 'cept for things like flow and would I turn the page.<br /><br />On this, I'd turn the page.Ashbynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57564038189532856662009-07-29T19:39:10.049-04:002009-07-29T19:39:10.049-04:00Okay, I got so confused I gave up on my second att...Okay, I got so confused I gave up on my second attempt. Why is this YA when the mc is only 10? I didn't like the name Chaos because I couldn't visualize the character as anything but a concept. <br /><br />While there are long MG books like Harry Potter and the Ink Heart Triology, 106,000 words is generally too long. <br /><br />Now I must admit the first paragraph of the query hooked me (I didn't read the sample), but this really isn't my kind of story. I prefer YA set in reality or reality-based fantasy.Anjanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91473377377633039552009-07-29T15:37:26.037-04:002009-07-29T15:37:26.037-04:00The first paragraph of the query doesn't hook ...The first paragraph of the query doesn't hook me. It's all background until the last sentence when the hook finally appears. I thought the second paragraph was interesting. The third paragraph lost me. Why is there so much of an emphasis on Chaos? I didn't understand Chaos' views about Nikolas. If Choas wants to help Nikolas then there isn't any discernable source of conflict in the query.<br /><br />I read the sample just to see if the story got any clearer. It didn't. There were way too many pronouns for my taste. Who or what is the first page about? The sample is too vague.duwarrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01984057240748766051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9237746360428777252009-07-29T12:41:01.151-04:002009-07-29T12:41:01.151-04:00I'm not hooked. I think that the first paragra...I'm not hooked. I think that the first paragraph was too much background information. Maybe start with the changes and the conflict. I'm really confused about Chaos - is he bad? Is he good? Is he indifferent? <br /><br />I'm not interested enough to read further.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37963690274262785622009-07-29T12:29:36.748-04:002009-07-29T12:29:36.748-04:00Query: 10 y/o would actually be MG instead of YA.....Query: 10 y/o would actually be MG instead of YA... right? Also for either genre, 106,400 words seems kinda long.Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45791061161859000852009-07-29T10:53:37.236-04:002009-07-29T10:53:37.236-04:00I like the query--a boy-based MG fantasy is a good...I like the query--a boy-based MG fantasy is a good thing--but the paragraph from Chaos's POV threw me off, and I think you could condense it more. If none of the story is from his POV, then perhaps you should refocus that paragraph.<br /><br />Your word count is pretty high, and you call this a YA, but with Nikolas being 10 years old, that indicates more MG than YA. Also, you say that this is an ancient Aegean setting, but honestly, I hadn't gotten that before. I'd been assuming this was contemporary until reading that.<br /><br />I was all ready to read more, but that high word count and the MG/YA confusion worries me.Still, I suspect this could be something good, given the success of Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson series, so, on to the pages...<br /><br />...but the pages don't hook me. I don't know who or what this creature is, and I have no connection to it beyond curiosity. In my own personal reading, I find that I'm much more likely to read on if I can find some relatable trait to the main character in the first few pages.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.com