tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post9191631308389027862..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Logline Critique Round Two #36Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6350979877902729472012-10-12T07:14:01.885-04:002012-10-12T07:14:01.885-04:00Interesting concept. I agree the genre is alternat...Interesting concept. I agree the genre is alternative history. I'm wondering if you really need to specify that it's The Beatle's John Lennon...I imagine most of your audience have heard of the guy.Jo-Ann Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18027989147411624378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86093898090935003612012-10-12T06:33:20.861-04:002012-10-12T06:33:20.861-04:00Interesting premise however hard to believe that a...Interesting premise however hard to believe that a 25 year old book inspires the killing of a (then) contemporary celebrity.Judykinsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2568075319565020222012-10-11T15:33:11.488-04:002012-10-11T15:33:11.488-04:00I was very confused by the setting of this one so ...I was very confused by the setting of this one so I think you need to make it clear that it's in 19XX (so we know that John Lennon is still alive because it's not so scary if he's trying to kill a dead guy!) <br /><br />Aside from that, we need to know WHY these brothers have to stop this murder (because they could just call the police!) Is it because they feel responsible? If so, that might better connect the two. <br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66467749736938651812012-10-09T20:14:55.242-04:002012-10-09T20:14:55.242-04:00I think genre is alternate history.
You can cut t...I think genre is alternate history.<br /><br />You can cut the "own" from "own brother" and "The Beatles'" from "The Beatles' John Lennon."Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01978474302944767837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64876468151523986682012-10-09T16:02:09.366-04:002012-10-09T16:02:09.366-04:00I like this logline overall, it's punchy and w...I like this logline overall, it's punchy and well written, but I guess I'm really confused by the premise. Is Alden Gallagher supposed to be the real-life Holden Caulfield? I think I'm thrown by the inclusion of the Lennon assassination. Mark David Chapman (the guy who shot Lennon) had a copy of Catcher in the Rye and there are lots of conspiracy theories around whether he was programmed in a Manchurian Candidate way to kill Lennon when he saw that book. Is that what you're going for? If so, the fact that your plot is so close to reality but not accurate leaves me confused and incredulous rather than intrigued. <br /><br />I think having a more specific genre (is it a thriller?) would help clear up some of the confusion. <br /><br />Good luck!Chelle Bruhnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18169023596768925387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78976841457413336232012-10-09T16:01:08.426-04:002012-10-09T16:01:08.426-04:00Interesting concept. I think "beloved rock-mu...Interesting concept. I think "beloved rock-music icon" and John Lennon are redundant and you might consider a substitute for the icon phrase. I'm wondering if Lennon lives at the end or if Alden and bro fail and history repeats itself. Hmmm.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68512812829111010592012-10-09T15:57:28.352-04:002012-10-09T15:57:28.352-04:00Interesting. I like the historical setting and the...Interesting. I like the historical setting and the fact the brothers work together seems to indicate that whatever the brother's motive was for publishing the memoir, Alden is okay with it. It took me three reads to get the full meaning, but I didn't catch the fan was of the book not Lennon till the last time. Small phone screen :) Good luck!Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53700504589555124092012-10-09T14:11:47.274-04:002012-10-09T14:11:47.274-04:00Meredith and I are on the same page. ;-)Meredith and I are on the same page. ;-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03842761852069023467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4871574544822566742012-10-09T13:50:29.303-04:002012-10-09T13:50:29.303-04:00I think this is solid. Nice job. Sorry I can't...I think this is solid. Nice job. Sorry I can't add much, but I guess that's a good thing :)Meredithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10553213541602852817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6471840899598714152012-10-09T13:37:11.197-04:002012-10-09T13:37:11.197-04:00It's really pretty solid. I like the tie to re...It's really pretty solid. I like the tie to reality with the inclusion of Lennon. One thing to consider is a word about Alden's brother. May not be necessary, but a descriptor like "know-it-all", "prankster" or "disgruntled" could give a glimpse into not only the brother's personality and motives, but their relationship.David B Goodehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690703660150173981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45408980904956751392012-10-09T13:14:55.518-04:002012-10-09T13:14:55.518-04:00I don't think it needs clarity as to why an ob...I don't think it needs clarity as to why an obsessed fan would see commands to kill someone - that happens. They're crazy. <br /><br />I'd change 'thwart a deadly attack' to 'thwart THE deadly attack.' Sounds nitpicky, but it is referencing the specific attack, making it 'the,' not 'a.' Feaky Snuckerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17481513779668517971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72711034688331232372012-10-09T11:24:23.525-04:002012-10-09T11:24:23.525-04:00So, this is set in the past? I like the idea of hi...So, this is set in the past? I like the idea of his brother stealing and publishing the memoir, but the John Lennon bit sort of felt out of nowhere. I like the premise, though, just feel like it might need a little more clarity on why the book might seem to command someone to murder John Lennon.ewoklovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08115603537616212149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1357393382046317742012-10-09T10:52:09.948-04:002012-10-09T10:52:09.948-04:00Interesting plot, easy to follow logline. My only ...Interesting plot, easy to follow logline. My only query is whether 'obsessed fan' is the right word -- presumably he's not going to attack John Lennon because he's an obsessed fan of the memoir, but because he's a crazy person (unless the memoir DOES compel readers to assassinate folk). Others may disagree, though.Vicorvahttp://victoriaboulton.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com