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Thursday, April 10, 2008

Are You Hooked? First Page #2

Genre: YA historical fiction.


Title: Valley of Green and Gold

Knee-high stalks rustled against Nora's skirts as she tore through the wheat field. Over her panting breath, she could hear the plants whispering you're late, you're late. Two years she'd been waiting for this, and now she was about to miss it.



The winter air burned her lungs, but she kept running. She cleared the field, passed the lone hemlock, and raced around the side of the house to find everyone waiting in the yard.



"I was about to leave without you," Papa called from the wagon seat.



"Sorry—" She stopped to catch her breath, about to say she'd been playing with Adsila. "Sorry I was late."



"No harm done," Mama said, pulling Nora's bonnet onto her head. As she tied the ribbon beneath her chin, she winked at Nora. Nora hid a smile; Mama knew what she was up to, and who she'd been with.



"Can I go, too?" Isaac asked, running to grab Nora's skirt.



"It's Nora's turn," Mama said. "You can go to town when you're older."



"But I am older," he said as Mama pulled him out of the wagon's way.



"Older than five," Papa said with a grin. When Nora had settled next to him, he flicked Cyclone's reins. "We'll be back before dark."



Nora squealed as the horse lurched forward. "I can't believe I'm going to Coloma! You always said it was no place for a girl." She grabbed at the seat as the wagon bounced over a stone.

11 comments:

  1. I normally don't read a lot of historical fiction, but...

    YES.

    For one thing, it starts out right away with the action and there's a bit of mystery in who Adsila is and whether or not Nora's father should know about her playing with this friend.

    The characterization comes out right away, which I like, and while I'd have to know the plot and read a bit more to know if I'd be up for reading the whole novel, I'd probably finish the chapter.

    The last bit, where Nora says this town isn't a place for a girl makes me wonder what it's like.

    I think my only caveat here would be I'd want something Bad to happen relatively soon for this to keep my attention. Nora is late, sure, but she still makes it in time to get to ride into town with Pa.

    Good luck. :)

    ~Merc

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  2. Yes. This is well written. It has a bit of mystery and action, and nice hook at the end.

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  3. No, I'm sorry. The situation is too "slice of life" to hook me, even if it is historical. The characters are a bit flat and could use more detail, more color, to flesh them out, IMO.

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  5. The dialog feels a bit stiff to me. And the pace is a touch slow. But then again, I'm a person who likes a faster pace.
    Sorry, No.

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  6. I'm biased, because I've read this novel before. Go, Valley!!

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  7. I'm on the fence.

    You established a sense of mystery right away (I'm thinking, oh, what is she late for?), but I'll admit that a trip to town with Papa felt a bit anticlimactic. I think I would read a couple more pages to see if there was a compelling reason for the trip to town.

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  8. Yes. I could picture it, had immediate sympathy for the character, liked your language.
    I have a feeling about this one--just a vibe. You'll have to post on the blueboards when you get your deal.

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  9. I was hooked at the first line. Female MC? Check. Story that makes me laugh? Check (talking plants :D)

    Yuna

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  10. Yes and no. Yes, because it's well written. No because it doesn't really grab me. I'm on the fence.

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  11. I'd say yes. It's well written with a lot of action, unanswered questions, and a sympathetic mc. It's also very authentic and timeless (little brother wants to go too, not until he's older). There's a build-up of excitement and I want to know more.

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