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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Drop The Needle #6

TITLE: Legionarii
GENRE: Science Fiction Romance

When she got to the top, Romey sat on the shoulder high wall, dangling her legs over and swinging them back and forth. The wall edged the deck, preventing anyone from tumbling over to their deaths. The tower rose so high, the clouds kissed skin and hair, making it damp with dew. She held the feather out, letting the fluffy end dance in the wind.

"Romey. You can't sit there. You might fall."

She twisted and looked over her shoulder. "I always wondered what it would be like to fly, to free fall from the heavens."

"Get down, Romey. It isn't safe." Zoe edged closer.

Romey sighed and rose to her feet. She began to walk the edge, her arms out as if she glided on the wind. The feather dangled from her fingers. "Don't be such a coward, Zoe. The view is beautiful. Sometimes you're such a baby."

"Get down. Mother will be angry."

"What? Are you going to tell her?"

Zoe swallowed hard and shook her head. "Please, Romey. Get down."

"Okay. But you've got to come up here first."

Zoe eyed the wall and backed away.

"You're such a baby. I can't believe you're of the same blood."

Zoe curled her hands into fists, took a deep breath and walked to the wall. "Okay. I'm here. Now get down."

"Climb up here first."

Tears pooled in Zoe's eyes. She didn't want to climb up, but she couldn't let Romey continue to walk along the wall.


Emotion: Fear.

11 comments:

  1. Romey is careless and confident. Zoe is scared.

    Of the two I'm siding with Romey. It's a wall. You can balance on walls. But I suspect the author is setting it up so that someone will fall and die.

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  2. It's funny, my first response was dislike for Romey. She is pretty verbally abusive to the obviously uncomfortable Zoe.

    As far as emotions go, I think I was feeling too much dislike for Romey to feel Zoe's fear! I felt Zoe's reluctance, for sure, and discomfort. In the end, the tears filling her eyes certainly spoke of fear. But it wasn't my prevailing emotional response as I read.

    I think she should've pushed her. :P

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  3. I'm not clear about who's the POV character here. At first it seems Romy, who seems brass, teasing and bullying Zoe. Zoe is a bit more careful, responsible and fearful.

    I liked Zoe better, and I would definitely read further, to see what happens.

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  4. I liked it.
    Romney is very carefree and daring. I get the feeling that Zoe is more cautious and perhaps afraid of heights.

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  5. Romey seems carefree or careless depending on how you look at it. Zoe seems the responsible one. Her fear is easy to understand.

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  6. Zoe is afraid. Not only that her sister might fall, but she's afraid to climb onto the wall herself.

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  7. This is a childhood flashback and her sister is a bit nasty. Zoe has a terrible fear of heights and Romey plays into it by pretending to topple and fall. There's a deck that extends beyond the wall a bit, to keep people from falling. Zoe doesn't know this and believes her sister has fallen to her death. Hard to give you POV in 250, but it was Zoe's. The fear of heights carrys into adulthood and plays a big factor in the story.

    Thanks for the input.

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  8. It's hard to say since the POV switches mid-way through without any scene break. It starts with bravado, I think, then ends with whining and name calling. Sorry, but I can't get a better beat on it than that.

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  9. I get the fear, and I find that I dislike Romey. I don't have a good picture of what the wall looks like, but I know I'm uncomfortable around heights so I had empathy for Zoe.

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  10. Exhilaration from Romey, and fear from Zoe. I liked Romey initially, probably due to the fact that I've always wanted to fly, and I wish I had her guts. Liked her less after she taunted Zoe. Great scene setting. I want to read more.

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  11. Since I have two younger siblings and three older ones, I recognize and sympathize with both emotions here.

    Romey is showing off. She's cocky and pleased with herself.

    Zoe is scared. She doesn't want to climb up on the wall (don't blame her. I'd have a heart attack just considering climbing atop something like that), but she feels like she has no choice.

    So: Cockiness and Fear.

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