Pages

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS40

TITLE: Tsashi
GENRE: steampunk/fantasy

“Bombs, my friend, have an unequivocal desire for destruction, rather like women.”

20 comments:

  1. This is a fantastic sentence! It makes me want to read more.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now THAT's a chip on someone's shoulder! I'd read on because I like the voice. Nice job.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like. Sounds like it's going to be a messy book. >:D It a good way, I mean.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I resent that comment! LOL I'd read on! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Great hook and I love that you're writing steampunk. I'd love to see more.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This one made me laugh, out loud...great job. Would definitely read on. Love the voice, great line of dialogue...might be able to add a VERY small beat right before 'rather like women.' to highlight the punchline...

    but this was great! I've read little steampunk but I'd read this

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree, great voice!

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is really good (whether you agree with the idea or not, heh heh). Its definitely a sentence that would keep me reading.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is good! Except I think it needs a semicolon or em dash or something instead of the last comma.

    ReplyDelete
  10. This line nails it. Even a hint of the genre comes across. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks, everyone! :D

    Peter--ooh, I like the idea of something to set up a beat before "rather like women", thanks for that.

    B-)

    ~Merc

    ReplyDelete
  12. I tend not to like openings that start with a line of dialogue, but the humor in this is very hooky so it works to get me to read on. I'd like to meet the character who says this line of dialogue.

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm kinda on the fence on this one. The voice is clear, but I'm not sure I'm hooked by it yet. I'd probably read on a bit to see where this is going.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This made me smile, a sure way to get me to read more. I like the voice a great deal, I like the humor. Nicely done.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You established the character right away, and a promise of things blowing up. Works for me!

    ReplyDelete
  16. First of all, on behalf of women, I protest! ;-)

    But perhaps she doth protest too much? =)

    I'd definitely read more.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Made me smile :)

    I also have a picture right away in my head of the person speaking. I'd read on for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm in. This may be my favorite so far.

    Fred

    ReplyDelete