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Thursday, March 25, 2010

110 Historical Fiction

TITLE: Ciara’s Tale
GENRE: Historical fiction



Death waited if her secret escaped.

Ciara thrust the dark thought away. It changed nothing. She still didn’t want to be a druidess.

10 comments:

  1. I don't understand the first sentence. Maybe I'm a little slow, but it feels like it's missing a word or two?

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  2. Mostly hooked - I would keep reading to find out more. :-)

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  3. I'm a little confused by what's here, though the genre and implied timeframe are some of my favorites, so I'd probably keep going. (Unsure on the title though)

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  4. The first sentence is confusing at first. Death reads like a person. I think this needs editing, but it's interesting.

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  5. Interesting set up, I would keep reading.

    I would likely change the wording a bit on the first sentance to be a bit more clear though. Death could read as both an event and person.

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  6. If you turn the first sentence around and replaced the pronoun, it would be clearer: If Ciara's secret escaped, death waited.

    Starting with the word death, may seem intriguing, but if you've looked at many of these entries, you'll notice quite of few of them begin: I died yesterday or Death isn't so bad, etc.etc.

    It was the druid line that caught me. What about staring with:

    Ciara didn't want to be a druidess.

    That immediately sets the reader in the time frame, makes us sympathize with the MC and gives us her lovely name. I'd want to read that!

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  7. The first sentence is incomplete and confusing, and I agree with susiej about the death cliche. "Ciara didn't want to be a druidess." would be a winner.

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  8. Not hooked yet--the first sentence feels too melodramatic and uninspired. I'm more interesting in why she didn't want to be a druidess.

    I wonder if you could rework it so that is nearer the beginning, then lead into the scene showing us why she doesn't want that and what her secret is.

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  9. The first line was confusing. I read Death as a person too.

    I agree with others who say that the most important part of this is that she doesn't want to be a druidess

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  10. The first sentence didn't read very clearly to me. I had to re-read it to get a sense of it. I agree with everyone who is saying the druidess part is the most intriguing. Quite a few entries in this comp have mentioned death, but yours is the first druidess :-)

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