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Thursday, March 25, 2010

135 YA SFF

TITLE: MYSTERIOUS GIFT
GENRE: YA Science fiction / fantasy



A soft meow sounded as a shield of protection formed around the Standford family home. The guardian remained alert until relieved in the early morning.

12 comments:

  1. Not hooked; too much of simply "setting a scene" without any characters.

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  2. Not hooked. Nothing is happening except a kitty saying meow and a guardian is standing around. Why can't you start with what happens in the early morning? Obviously that's where the story starts.

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  3. Not hooked. I feel like I have to think too much to figure out what this is in the very first line.

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  4. Weak hook. I'd keep going to find out what was up with the meow and why a house would need guardians.

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  5. Confused, not hooked. Agree with what was said above.

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  6. Sorry... I'm not hooked yet. I'm a little confused at this beginning.

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  7. I think the wording is confusing. We associate a "meow" with the sounds cats make, not protective shields, and the information about the guardian seems disjointed -- like it has nothing to do with the shield. Also, the first thing I thought about when you said "relieved in the early morning" was that the guard had to pee, but I know that's not what you meant.

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  8. The meow feels unrelated to the shield, and then nothing happens but waiting until morning. Not hooked.

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  9. Too much telling to really grab me.

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