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Thursday, March 25, 2010

53 YA Historical

TITLE: FATED
GENRE: YA Historical



The small, crackling fire inside the rusted woodstove couldn't ease the chill that lingered on my skin.

23 comments:

  1. Maybe. It's nice writing, but there's not a lot of new OH WOW stuff here.

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  2. Creates a nice scene. Would read a bit further to see if the action picks up.

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  3. I'd keep reading. Good job.

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  4. I'd keep reading. Nice details.

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  5. I agree w/ Jodi, nice but doesn't grab me

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  6. In my very humble opinion, this if overwritten. "Ease the chill that lingered" just didn't work for me. And I'd cut down on the adjectives to describe the fire and the stove. Choose the one that's most important.

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  7. I like it! I think it gives a good sense of the character's voice here. I do agree that you could cut one of the adjectives about the fire though. Probably crackling, which to me inspires a warm happy feeling, something that does not match up with the rest of the sentence.

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  8. Nice, but it makes me think the rest is going to be slow paced. I'd read further just to find out.

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  9. I'd probably read more, but this could be stronger. Maybe add urgency somehow.

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  10. I might be hooked. I'd read a paragraph or two more before making my final decision.

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  11. I'd read at least the first page. Like the writing, would like a little more action.

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  12. It does create a cozy scene, although I would lose a few of the adjectives.

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  13. Ditto Jodi. It's nicely written, but is it enough? I'm a maybe.

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  14. Not hooked, but I'd give it more room because I like the writing. Perhaps focus your first sentence on your MC rather than the fire. Say the same thing, but start with your character.

    MC leans toward the rusted woodstove. The small crackling fire inside couldn'r ease . . . .

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  15. Hooked. Enough imagery to keep me going.

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  16. I like the description and the title. I'd read on.

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  17. This winter, the chill is easy to relate to, but I can't imagine a YA reader jumping at this beginning. Perhaps a little conflict or threat of something greater than the cold.

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  18. I would keep reading, I like the scene it sets.

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  19. Not enough here to hook me. It's all description without anything that makes me curious about what's coming.

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