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Thursday, March 25, 2010

82 Historical Fantasy

TITLE: Tangled Webs
GENRE: Historical/Fantasy

The assassination of Matthew Radnir had not gone as planned. Not, of course, that he wasn't dead; he was, and quite so.

31 comments:

  1. Definitely would keep reading. I want to know what didn't go as planned but still had the right result. I want to know who's speaking and already there's a good sense of voice as well.

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  2. Hooked. The diction is intriguing, and the speaker's voice draws me to him.

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  3. Hmm. Wondering how an assassination can not go as planned and still end up with a dead mark. Intriguing.

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  4. Hooked. What the heck went wrong? I want to know!

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  5. OK. You got me. So what went wrong?

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  6. hooked, though the quite so at the end of the sentence seemed too repetitive.

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  7. I'd give it a few more paras.

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  8. Different, I like it. I'm hooked

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  9. I had to re-read the last sentence, but I'd read a bit more to see how things had gone wrong.

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  10. i also had to re-read the sentence. but i'm intrigued. i'd read on. the 'quite so' makes me think the speaker is british for some reason.

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  11. Hooked. Nice tension, implied action. I'd get rid of the semi-colon. I'm also feeling a little conflicted about the word "quite." I *think* you can get away with it, since it's historical. Normally I'd suggest cutting.

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  12. This definitely has the flavour of THE MAGICIANS AND MRS QUENT by Galen Beckett, which I really enjoyed. I'm definitely hooked.

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  13. HOOKED!! OH YEAH!! ㋡ Nice work!

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  14. I like this! Like everything. The flawless flow of the words kept me reading. I loved the voice. Hope it hooks an agent and gets published-soon, so I can read more.

    Do you need a crit partner?

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  15. Hooked! Love the voice, reminds me of Gail Carriger a little bit. Nicely done :)

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  16. Hooked.

    I like the voice of it, and how it plays with expectations.

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  17. The voice and the questions the second sentence leaves me with definitely hooked me. :)

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  18. Hooked, as long as we find out very soon what went wrong. I think you could cut the "of course", but that's a personal thing. Love the title as well.

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  19. I loved this. PLEASE keep the quite so. It's a fabulous button. There's nothing wrong with the ; either :)

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  20. Hooked. The assassination didn't go as planned? But the target is dead? Of course I want to know more. The voice is great, too. That's a tricky thing to do--give a sense of voice in 25 words or less.

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  21. I like it! Hooked. (Not crazy about the title, though.) I want to read more.

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  22. I'd give it a little more just to see what went wrong, but since historical isn't my thing, I'm not sure how much more.

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  23. Not to plan, but still dead, eh.

    I didn't like the punctuation of the second sentence. I would suggest a full stop after dead.

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  24. Don't change a thing! I loved this just as it is and want to read more. The punctuation is fine and the second sentence shows a terrific voice. Resist the urge to be boring. Don't change it.

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