Pages

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Logline Critique Round One #15

TITLE: Running Down the Dragon
GENRE: Thriller with paranormal elements

Thalia Drake, a member of the U.S. military's elite shapeshifter forces, must stop a serial killer whose ultimate goal is the extinction of all shifters. But stopping him means exposing the dangerous secret she's hidden for thousands of years - her true identity. If the world discovered her true shape was that of a dragon, she might not be allowed to live long enough to stop the killer.

10 comments:

  1. Initially, I thought she WAS a shapeshifter, but then I re-read and thought she hunted them for a living. You need to clarify. Also, her antagonist must be more specific than "the world" as the world can't kill her. Who is she actually afraid of? Her co-workers? Her govt?

    Good luck!
    Holly

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was also confused in the beginning about whether the shapre-shifter force employed Shapeshifters or not. Also, watch your tenses. You slip into past tense in the last sentence

    ReplyDelete
  3. Why would she hunt that which she is?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Why would the military hunt a serial killer? Wouldn't that be the police or the FBI?

    Why is her identity as a shapeshifter a dangerous secret if she's part of a government sanctioned group of shapeshifters, presumably included BECAUSE she's a shifter. Because she's a dragon? Why should that matter? Is the corps restricted to werewolves? I don't get it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I really liked this. She is a shifter who is part of the shapeshifter forces and is hiding the fact that her true shape is a dragon, which I gather is not a good thing. Works for me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Here's what I understood: the military uses shapeshifters. Someone wants to kill them all. Thalia is a shapeshifter whose true form is a dragon which, for some reason, is bad and someone might kill her because of that -- presumably someone other than the serial killer who wants to kill her because she's a shapeshifter. Is that right? If so, it seemed clear to me, but maybe not as clear as it could be.

    So I'd like to know what's so bad about being a dragon and why she has to expose her secret in order to stop the killer.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I really liked this one. The main bump for me was the character's name. As soon as I read it I thought of a character in Riordan's Percy Jackson books, Thalia Grace.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great job! Just give us a more specific antagonist than "the world" and I'm sold.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree you need a more specific antagonist... and I also want to know why being a dragon is bad and why she must expose her true identity... maybe a dragon is the only thing that can stop him, and she'd have to openly use her dragon abilities? A few specifics would clear up any confusion. This sounds like an interesting read. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I really like this one. It sounds like something that would keep me turning the pages well after bed time.

    Keep me up to date when it gets published:)

    ReplyDelete