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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Logline Critique Round Two #17

TITLE: GETTING RID OF LUCKY
GENRE: MG gothic fantasy/horror

Aggie finds a mangy, human-eyed cat in the Dismal Swamp and brings it home in secret. But when he turns into a mythological monster and threatens to kill her and her new family – the one she didn’t even know she wanted – she’ll have to get rid of him fast, or they’ll all be dead meat.

8 comments:

  1. Your title is hilarious! I so want to read this. I can totally imagine a kid bringing home a pet in secret and the fact that it's a monster just makes me crack up! I love this.

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  2. I like it. I do have a little confusion about her "new family;" why are they new, and why didn't she know she wanted them? But otherwise it's great. Good luck!

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  3. This sounds great! Love the premise. You might consider just saying it threatens her and her family, and leaving out "new" and the fact she didn't know she wanted them. You can get more specific in a longer blurb. Or if she's a foster kid or something, start with that so we understand why they're new. Good luck!

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  4. This needs a goal. It sounds like it is having a family, but that is not clear since you start off making it sound like she wants to save this cat. Try to focus on what she wants and how finding this cat is getting in the way of that.

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  5. I love the title, too! And bringing home a critter for a pet is a great premise. It sounds like she discovers the importance of family - I guess I'd like that to be up front. The "new" family raises questions. I'd leave it out - or emphasize it. It sounds like she really wants a family more than a cat, but I'm not sure from the description.

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  6. You had me at "human-eyed cat!" I do agree with Holly that her new family and how that matters needs to be clearer. Gives me goosebumps!

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  7. I agree with all the comments. I would leave out the part about the new family she didn't know she needed. Extremely intriguing plot. Great work!

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  8. The title and the phrase "dead meat" had me smiling. Cutely gothic! Perhaps replacing the new family bit with a stronger description would help--is she adopted? If she's still trying to "prove" herself to this new family, maybe the goal comes from that. It seems like it's worth mentioning, so I would hesitate taking it out. I think it's more that we need to know why that's relevant and how it affects the story's stakes.

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