Pages

Thursday, November 19, 2015

OTB Logline Critique #2

TITLE: Chasing Autumn
GENRE: Adult - Light-hearted Women's Fiction

As if Cora’s incontinent dog and partial mastectomy aren’t enough for the town to gossip about, her friend is arrested for murder. Cora’s passion to fix things goes way beyond restoring antiques in her shop. With help from an unconventional therapist, she’s determined to fix the chaos in her life.

10 comments:

  1. I think this is suffering a little from a lack of focus. What precisely does she want in this story? To train her dog? Get plastic surgery? Prove her friend innocent? And why does she want it? Is the chaos preventing her from doing something?

    Good luck!
    Holly

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think you have a great line in here: "Cora's passion for fixing things goes way beyond restoring antiques in her shop." This tells me a lot about her in a very small space, and I'd actually open with that.

    However, I have no idea what this story is actually about, and I think you need to follow that line with something equally strong that makes that clear. Is it about meddling ala cozy mysteries in the murder investigation? Or is this a journey of self-discovery via therapy where she learns she can't fix everything? Those are very, very different books, and right now this blurb could describe either or a dozen others.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've read lots of cozy mysteries, so I read this to mean Cora wants to clear her friend's name. In a cozy there doesn't need to be a motivation any stronger than that. However, I did wonder how the unconventional therapist plays in. Is that her crime-solving sidekick? Her love interest who might really be the killer? Some sort of hypnosis method she uses to solve crimes? I could read this log line many different ways so you might want to be more specific.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Although the elements here are certainly interesting, I agree about the lack of focus. The first sentence doesn't really seem connected to the rest of it. I would suggest just thinking about the main through-line of the story and coming up with a single short sentence that summarizes that. Then you can add more details to flesh it out, making sure to show how they tie into the central goal and conflict.

    ReplyDelete
  5. At first, I was thrown by the concept-- a cancer survivor story? Murder mystery? Then I noticed your genre was "light-hearted" women's fiction. I've seen this before and understand it to mean there is humor involved.

    If so, your logline takes on a completely different meaning for me. Sounds like a fun, bad-to-worse situation for your MC.

    Would like more info on how she intends to fix this chaos, like Holly mentions. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This sound like fun! The thing that calls out to me as the main conflict is the friend's arrest. The pitch tells me that Cora is equally inconvenienced by an incontinent pet and a mastectomy, and the friend's trouble is...nothing? If Cora doesn't stay involved with that friend, maybe it's a red herring, and doesn't belong in the pitch. I need a strong link between the main conflict and the action Cora takes, as well as a bit about why it matters, aka, the consequences. Good luck--I will skip a million dreary WF stories to read something light.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This sounds promising, but I do not see a story. I would start with, "Cora’s passion to fix things goes way beyond restoring antiques in her shop." That makes the logline very intriguing and I want to know more. Then explain what she has to fix and the stakes. I don't think the first line is relevant.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is a great setup, but I can't tell if the story is a murder mystery, or what? It sounds like a fun cast of characters, but there needs to be more focus.

    ReplyDelete
  9. This sounds like a fun story with interesting characters, but I'm not sure what the stakes are for your MC. What is her goal (fixing something- what is it?) and what is getting in her way?

    ReplyDelete
  10. This sounds like a fun story with interesting characters, but I'm not sure what the stakes are for your MC. What is her goal (fixing something- what is it?) and what is getting in her way?

    ReplyDelete