from KNIGHT'S CURSE, an urban fantasy:
Aydin stopped chewing mid crunch to stare at me. "What's wrong?"
I was horrified to feel a tear slide down my cheek. I flicked it away. "Not
a thing. Why?"
He resumed chewing before shoving another chip into his mouth. "Oh, I don't
know. From the look on your face, you seem ready to bite my head off. Here."
He offered me the bag of chips. "Bite one of these instead."
I grabbed the bag and dug my hand in for a fistful. I sat on the bed to eat
them. Potato chips had never tasted so good.
He reached for the bag and I yanked it away. "Mine."
"Fine." He tugged a package of pretzels from a shopping bag. "You're craving
the salt, you know."
I licked my fingers. "No, I'm craving food. I'm starving."
"Yeah, but your body also needs salt. The salt counteracts the curse working
through you and it helps get your body back to normal."
How about that. I learned something new every day in my crazy world of
curses and flying monkeys. "You know this from experience?"
"Yup." He snapped the end off a pretzel. "I don't remember the exact date,
but it was sometime during the twelfth century. When the Vyantara first got
their hooks into me."
This contradicted what I'd been told that morning. "But you're a member."
He blew out an exasperated sigh. "Not at first, and definitely not
willingly. You shouldn't believe everything you hear."
Miss Snark's First Victim
Does the dialogue propel the action forward? If not, why not?
ReplyDeleteYes.
Do the tags/beats/internal monologues/short narrations work? If not, why not?
Until the end. From How about that on, I think it could use some more editing. Mainly cutting unnecessary pieces.
And are you drawn into the story? Do you want to read more? If not, why not?
I was drawn into it. Good job!
Move action? Yes, this works toward learning about a character and resolving a curse.
ReplyDeleteDo tags work? Yes, it gets the scene set up with minimal interruption.
Drawn in? Interesting, I'd like to see more before I decided what to do with the book.
Does the dialogue propel the action forward? If not, why not?
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I would say it propels the story forward... dunno about action. :P That kind of seems odd, given that we're talking about "talkin' heads". ;) Ahem. Back on track...
I think it moves the plot becuase it gives information about the situation and the characters (more about Aydin than the narrator.
Do the tags/beats/internal monologues/short narrations work? If not, why not?
Works for me. I suppose I was expecting more straight DL with no interruptions based on the challenge, and this has more narrative than DL, but it still works for me. :P
And are you drawn into the story? Do you want to read more? If not, why not?
Yes and yes. I loved the line about biting the chips instead of his head. ;) Very nice.
~Merc
Thanks for your comments. From the entries here, I think most people had a different impression of this challenge.
ReplyDeleteTo me, dialogue doesn't work without supporting beats and tags, and some internalizations to help the reader know why characters think and feel as they do while conversing with each other. Without that, you have a screenplay. And I don't think this was meant as a screenplay challenge. But I could be wrong, maybe it is. If so, I messed up because I don't know the first thing about screenplays.
I think we all had slightly different impressions of what "talkin' heads" means, yeah. :P That's fine. I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong way to do it. My perception was more of a continual back and forth with little in between. :P
ReplyDeleteKaren Duvall wrote:
To me, dialogue doesn't work without supporting beats and tags, and some internalizations to help the reader know why characters think and feel as they do while conversing with each other.
I agree with that to some degree--but I don't think all dialogue needs to have beats, tags, and narrative. I love well done, pure back and forth with nothing to break it up. (It can't go on too long or it does get confusing.)
I think there's a lot of different kinds of DL and ways to write it. :) I like all sorts.
~Merc
I love back and forth dialogue, especially when there are only two characters present, and it's easy to keep it all straight.
ReplyDeleteThis dialogue worked great-it got all the exposition out through the characters, and they had plenty of personality.
This is definitely engaging. And it formulates some questions in my mind that I'd read on to answer.
ReplyDeleteThere's no action to speak of, and I think that's just fine.
Nice!