I’m lying on a mirror in the middle of an empty classroom. Stacked concrete blocks hold the mirror a few feet up off the floor; lucky for me I’m not a total klutz because we’re not talking about the most stable structure in the history of mankind here. And there’s a baby pool underneath the mirror. Damned baby pool.
So here I am on the cold, hard mirror, and of course I just had to wear a skirt today. It’s the kind that’s all cute and floaty when I’m standing up, but as soon as I go horizontal, all I can do is pray that I don’t flash the whole world. And while the classroom is empty, I know that my proctor, Mrs. Elritch, is watching me via video camera. She tapes all of the Development exams so she can embarrass people by using them as illustrative examples. Under no circumstances do I intend to become an illustrative example, so my game plan is to remain as still as the grave, pray that the camera isn’t pointed straight up my skirt, and swear to whatever deity happens to be listening that if only he/she/it will keep my panties under wraps, I will eat all my lima beans. Or donate them to some random organization that feeds starving children. Or something.
Amusing. It would be nice to know how old the character is upfront. I was first picturing a young teacher on her first day. In the line, "She tapes all the Development exams so she can embaress people using..." if you were to substitute students for people or even 5th grade students the reader will instantly know the appoximate age of the character.
ReplyDeleteAmusing. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteYou hooked me. Great introduction to the character, who has great voice. Sneaky way to tell me she's a girl with the use of the skirt.
ReplyDeleteThis is sooo picky, but I wanted to know how she's lying on the mirror. Face up or face down? I know I'll get to WHY she's there and all that other stuff, but I was just thinking about trying to help her with her skirt, and her position on the mirror would make a difference--at least for me.
I liked the line about lima beans. That was awesome!
I'm really interested to know why she's lying on a mirror above a baby pool.
ReplyDeleteThe tone was humorous and I think I would read on just because I like the character.
You really hooked me with this. Great image and I totally want to know what's up. An out-of-control AP Psychology class?
ReplyDeleteYep, I'm hooked! I love the voice and the character and would definitely keep reading!
ReplyDeleteYes! There's so much mystery here, none of it seems normal and I want to find out what's going on.
ReplyDeleteWow. That's an original voice and certainly like no other first page I've read! You hooked me.
ReplyDeleteYES! It's amusing, I love the voice, and I want to know what the heck she's doing lying on a mirror with a teacher watching her via camera.
ReplyDeleteI sense an embarrassing situation coming up, and would definitely read on to find out. ;) Nice job!
~Merc
Hooked. I'd ask for pages for sure.
ReplyDeleteI'll admit that the baby pool and the mirror in the middle of a classroom through me, since it's not usually what you expect to find. The voice is great and I definately would read on for more.
ReplyDeleteYes. I would read on. It's very original.
ReplyDeleteYES! I agree with the previous comments. I wanna know why she's on the mirror! Would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
:) Terri
You've shown us all why being unique is so darn important. Great stuff!
ReplyDeleteYes. I love the voice and humor. The situation is unique. I'm wondering what kind of development exam involves a mirror on blocks, and because of that particular intrigue and the fun voice, I'd keep reading a little more. I prefer other genres, so I'd need to know more about the plot before I'd commit to the whole book.
ReplyDeleteHmm, I've read this before...somewhere...I can't remember where. I liked it then and I liked it now. It's the perfect combination of typical teenage worries set in an extraordinary setting.
ReplyDeleteSo, YES.
Definite yes. Great narrative voice paired with an intriguing situation. I would like to know character age and name, though, especially since it's written in first person.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading. I like the voice and the humor and I'm interested to find out exactly why she'd being video taped lying on a mirror. That part also threw me too, because I would have liked a bit more of an explanation of this too.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, really good!
Yes, yes, yes! When/where can I read more? :D
ReplyDeleteI want to know why she's in the position she's in. Interesting. Funny. I'd keep reading :)
ReplyDeleteTotally hooked. I'd definitly keep reading.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteBaby pool, mirror? I'd want to know what in the world is going on. I liked the MC's voice, too.
Yes?
ReplyDeleteIt's fun and well written. But I have no idea what is going on. Is she balancing on a mirror, over a pool of water? I just don't really understand.
I might try another page or two, but things had better start making more sense.
I glanced up at the genre and am scratching my head a little. If this were fantasy, I'd take the whole mirror and swimming pool. But this is regular YA. So... is this a prank? Initiation?
ReplyDeleteAnd how short is her skirt if she's worried about flashing her nether regions? I mean, I can imagine that happened if she's standing on the mirror because of the reflection...
So - yes, I would read on. Mainly because I'm curious how the scene will turn out.
Really refreshing, quirky, and fun writing. You definitely hooked me. At first, it sounded a bit risque with the mirror and short skirt but beyond that, I would have to read on so I'd know what kind of "exam" this was. Great job, overall!
ReplyDeleteYes! An engaging start. I'm intrigued and want to read more.
ReplyDelete