"Put her down, you hear? Or I'll fly up there meself and tear your fey hide to shreds."
The fairy had the gall to laugh at Bran, and with a wave of her wand, he was born aloft. "Why don't you stop running your dirty mouth and be of some service to a good fairy?"
"You wretched, filthy, no-good-doin', smarmy—"
With another flick of her wand, Bran's jaw clamped shut, and in through the window he drifted, landing silently in the bassinet.
"Until we meet again, dear one."
Bran sat up and looked out the window, but the fairy was nowhere to be seen. It then came to his notice that the missus had lit a candle and was coming over to check on her infant. What was he going to say? He had always been such a good little brownie; would they turn him out in the cold? Would he be forced to work at the orphanage where his cousin Barm worked?
Mrs. Keefe lowered the flame to look at him, then let out a shriek. "Mr. Keefe! Come quick; the baby, she's—she's—"
The brownie sat up and tried to explain what had happened. "Madam, forgive me; the fey, she came and—and—"
"What is all this rumpus?" Mr. Keefe asked. One look at Bran and he too let out a cry. "Who are you?"
"Bran the Brownie, at your service."
I kind of see two secondary characters here. The first is the fairy, who is mischievious (I like it!), the second is the Missus, who clearly cares for her husband and worries about her chld. They are both real for me.
ReplyDeleteI also see two secondary characters. The fairy jumps out a lot more to me than the parents do. She's a bit scary - did she steal the child?
ReplyDeleteI think the fairy is the secondary, but I didn't get a good read on her. She seems like a wicked fairy, but the piece focused more on Bran and the parents.
ReplyDeleteI just don't have a clear view of a secondary character. Too bad there isn't more about the fairy, she has the promise of a good secondary character
ReplyDeleteWell... I think Bran is your MC. He apparently just witnessed a fairy stealing a baby from the house he lives in (serves?), and he's now on the spot because he didn't stop the fairy and now has been outed/caught by the owners of the house.
ReplyDeleteThe evil fairy and the Keefe's are your SC(s).
They hold up well and work for me.
Not really sure which characters you want us to focus on in this scene-- it kinda jumps around and the POV at the beginning could be a little stronger, IMHO.
ReplyDeleteAlso, just wondering why a wife would address her husband as "Mr. Keefe?"
Who is supposed to be the SC here? The scene focuses on Bran more than the other characters. I like him well enough, and the premise of the piece is interesting. The fairy seems like a nuisance, but I didn't learn much else about her from the scene.
ReplyDeleteI was a bit confused by this one. Bran seems to be the POV but he's also the character showcased by this piece. He comes as being a rather bad-tempered brownie.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that did bother me was that his dialogue at the beginning with the fairy and then when he was apologising later didn't seem to be in the same dialect.
I agree that I didn't get enough detail on the secondary characters to get a feel for them. I think Bran is working out nicely though. :)
ReplyDeleteNot a long enough section for me to know the sc in here. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteKizmet