Title: Shadows
Genre: YA urban fantasy
'"Dude, you shouldn't waste time on that crap."
I opened my eyes. A guy with floppy blonde hair and lime green eyes stood in the doorway, his arms folded.
"Edgar," I stood up, a grin spreading across my face.
He smiled slowly, grabbed me in a one-armed hug, and said, "Hey, bro. Good to be back."
"Right. You hate Montana."
"Not in the summer. It's just the winters that totally suck. Too cold."
I laughed. "Sure they do." We didn't actually feel temperature. We couldn't feel anything. I sighed and wished for sleep, something that would never come. "You got out of Lock Down?" I asked, pushing the thoughts of sleep away.
"Yeah. I hate babysitting criminals. This will be a much better assignment."
He was right. Working in the Shadow prison would be worse than babysitting humans—or your older sister.
Edgar sank down onto the couch next to me. "Diane said you were hiding out down here. Reliving your transformation again?"
Edgar knew me too well. He'd been around for most of my depressive episodes. He was usually the only one who could pull me out of them.
"Seriously, man. You found a Mirror! You're closer than you've ever been."
I nodded, the words choked in my throat.
"Don't tell me this is about your dad."
I glared at him. Edgar had distanced himself from his father's crime ring three centuries ago. So we shared the whole horrible-father thing. Except Edgar thought my dad was just wonderful.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Edgar's the secondary character, he's very relaxed about things, seems real to me!
ReplyDeleteThis is not a genre I read, however you write beautifully. Edgar is believable and does jump off the page to me.
ReplyDeleteEdgar is the SC - and yes. Very strong. He leaps off the page with the dialogue, and you back it up with the descriptions and narration from the protagonist.
ReplyDeleteNice<:
I think Edgar comes off very strong in this scene. I could imagine his demeanor and attitude. His relationship with the MC is also well-defined here. Good job.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think I have a sense of Edgar and his personality - a good amount of description done in an active voice, and his words make us get a sense of him.
ReplyDeleteVery nice. The friendship between the MC and Edgar shows off really well, IMO. Strong dialogue.
ReplyDeleteThe "bro" comment had me thinking they were siblings throughout this whole scene until the very end. It wasn't clear at first that the word was only a greeting and not an indicator of familial ties since we're not yet met Edgar in the book (I'm guessing based on this sounding like a first meeting).
ReplyDeleteBut, Edgar is a well drawn SC and has a likeable personality.
Edgar makes a strong and believable SC. His dialogue is wonderful, and the MC describes him well without being intrusive. On a side note, the plot of the piece sounds fascinating! Well done.
ReplyDeleteI like both of these characters. Edgar seems like a happy-go-lucky type who doesn't let much get him down. The description of the hug was dynamite!
ReplyDeleteNice job with Edgar here, his personality shines. Your writing is quite good. Loved it, and even though I don't normally read urban fantasy, I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing Edgar is the SC. He reminds me of the ski bums I worked with in California - nice and well-intentioned if not the brightest crayon in the box.
ReplyDeleteI know this story already, and I love it. :-) Edgar is the SC and this little passage really shows his relaxed, easygoing attitude. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteYup. Edgar works for me. :)
ReplyDeleteDoes Edgar snowboard? Sounds like he might. Good voice, good characterization.
ReplyDeleteKizmet
I get a subtle sense of who Edgar is through the dialouge. The parts that stand out to me more are the cryptic elements (though they're probably explained earlier in the story) -- the Transformation, the Mirror, not feeling temperature. It's well written and reads easily.
ReplyDelete