TITLE: Emergence of the Fey
GENRE: Fantasy
Walking through town, deliberating what to do next, he caught a glimpse of curly blonde hair down the block. His eyes widened as the girl turned to show a face he remembered well. Marian. He quickened his step to go speak to her, see how she fared. Then he saw the bard come up to her.
His chest tightened as Cail kissed Marian and took her arm. They turned down a side street and Jex found himself following them. They entered a tavern down the way. A few minutes later, he pulled his cloak hood up and went in after. He found a seat in a dark corner as they talked to the owner of the establishment. He ordered and ate his meal as he watched them do the same. When they entered a back room, Jex asked a barmaid to keep his mug topped off with a promise to tip well. A couple of drinks passed before they came out. Marian wore a green dress that clung to her subtle curves. His eyes fogged watching her dance.
He kept drinking late into the night, long after both performers and most of the patrons had left. When the barmaid expressed concern, he tossed the money pouch he acquired earlier onto the table and stumbled home. Before passing out on his bed, he barely heard Satu comment about never seeing him so drunk.
EMOTION: jealousy
Jealousy, very clear and well done. I really like the pace you oput in it. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteYes, jealousy. Marian is with another man and seeming to enjoy herself. I expected him to try and stab the bard... maybe in the next scene?
ReplyDeleteAt first, he seemed excited and then obsessed.
ReplyDeleteObsession and jealousy. I'd be worried if I were that bard.
ReplyDeleteObsession came through the most. Jealousy not so much. I mean, it's obvious that he is or else why follow them, but I didn't see any references to his despising her being with another man or how he should be with her instead or hating the fact that she's happy without him.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say jealousy is the strongest emotion portrayed here. The getting drunk bit seemed to show him being morose (i.e., drinking away his sorrows). Jealousy is usually a "hot" emotion, bringing anger and suspicion and other active responses. Sitting at a table, stalking Marion and Cail, and getting drunk is a bit too passive to be only jealousy, IMHO.
ReplyDeleteJealousy - yes I caught that. Maybe a few more lines about her would bring it out a bit more, but that might be in other parts of the story vs. this excerpt.
ReplyDeleteI could feel the jealousy. I've got to say I didn't feel much RESPECT for the amount of drinking he did to deal with it! ;) So I'm not sure he was likable in that sense, for me personally. But when the couple disappeared into the back room and emerged "two drinks" later, I definitely felt his pain.
ReplyDeleteJealousy. What else possesses a man to follow a woman & drink himself into a stupor while he watches her enjoy her evening with another man?
ReplyDeleteLust and depression... my best guess.
ReplyDeleteI get the idea he's worshipping from the distance, because she looks a bit preoccupied with the bard fellow. Depressed, he drinks himself to a sloggy state and heads home.