GENRE: Young Adult
The statue has got to go.
That’s my first thought as I prep the living room for my boyfriend’s visit later tonight, even though I’m likely the only one who would notice the discriminating eyes of Mom’s four-inch Jesus staring down from the mantle. Dustin wouldn’t look away from my breasts if the room was two feet deep in holy water. Still, I reach for it.
I can’t abduct the thing without the fam breaking into hives. Instead, I spin the statue a hundred and eighty degrees until it faces our brick fireplace. The motion knocks the thing off balance though, and it topples sideways. I pick it up and scan the hearth for any other too-holy housewares.
"What are you doing!" My sister rushes from the kitchen and snatches Jesus from my hand. She settles him back into his ring of dust, adjusting him to his all-seeing viewpoint and then eases her hand away, like she’s afraid the thing might fly right up to heaven. Turning, she fists her hands on her hips.
"Actually, Faith." I stare into her eyes so she won’t miss this. "I was wondering if you could give me a lift to the church tonight."
As expected, her whole face lights up, and I’m tempted to let her believe she’s finally fished her heathen sister out of the sea of despair. It’s better than telling her the truth.
I like the voice - very funny. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm hooked. Great voice!
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely hooked, I'd read on to find out what's going to happen at the church, with Dustin, everything! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked! Love the voice. Great job!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I'm not a fan of present tense, but pushing that aside, I love this!!!
ReplyDeletePersonally don't care for the first person narrative, but the voice is great.
ReplyDeleteWould read on to see what she's up to.
i liked this but i might not read on becuase i don't like present tense. good job though!
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't like the present tense or the character. Sorry. Good characterization, you have the attitude and scene well set, it's just not my cuppa tea.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely intrigued. I loved the character's voice and the hook at the end. Great first line, too!
ReplyDeleteI would say, though, that you might want to introduce the MC's name in this first section somewhere. Agents frequently get turned off by not knowing the narrating character's name right off the bat.
But yes, I am hooked!
I'm not a fan of the present tense narrative. It felt rough in a couple places. Other than that, I loved the voice and situation. I laughed out loud at "two feet deep in holy water", "might fly right up to heaven", and "finally fished her heathen sister out of the sea of despair" -- great lines that showcase the protagonist well. Despite the tense, I'd keep reading. Hooked.
ReplyDeleteI think I've seen this one in the regular slush. I'm hooked by this opening page, but if I recall correctly, my reason for passing was that the tone did not seem to match the concept. I also think the statue takes up a little too much time, but that's just me nit picking.
ReplyDeleteYes, hooked. :)
ReplyDeleteLoved it.
ReplyDeleteYes, I liked the voice and was amused--even though I prefer spec fic, this drew me in and makes me want to read more! :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck,
~Merc