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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

F2S 65

I don’t hate them. They probably didn’t know that house was my inheritance.
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15 comments:

  1. DCSDecember 3, 2008 at 1:49 PM

    Great setup with minimal verbiage! Keep it coming.

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  2. Jill WheelerDecember 3, 2008 at 2:06 PM

    Love this! You really can say so much with two sentences, can't you?

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  3. Casey SomethingDecember 3, 2008 at 2:59 PM

    I like it and I'd definitely keep reading, but I'm not sure you need the emphasis in both sentences. Although, I can't decide which I think is more important, so maybe it's fine.

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  4. Michelle D. ArgyleDecember 3, 2008 at 3:14 PM

    I would read on. I don't like the emphasis in both sentences, though. I think it might work fine without them.

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  5. AnonymousDecember 3, 2008 at 3:31 PM

    I would read on to see who is "they"...

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  6. StephDecember 3, 2008 at 3:54 PM

    Is this YA? I'd guess so, given all the emphasis. I don't mind it so much here, but keep it up too much and it becomes annoying/distracting.

    I hands-down adore this, though. I'd buy the book.

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  7. UnknownDecember 3, 2008 at 4:12 PM

    Sweet. One wulfish fan coming up. That is, as long as the rest of the chapter delivers on the lofty promise of these two lines.

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  8. UnknownDecember 3, 2008 at 4:14 PM

    It occurred to me instantly after posting my comment, that I'd be twice as interested if the MC had said "I didn't _want_ to hate them."

    Hopefully the conflict and tension that creates are obvious without a need to expound (or did I just then?)

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  9. Liana BrooksDecember 3, 2008 at 4:44 PM

    Hate who???

    I want to see the people and their actions before I see reactions.

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  10. AnonymousDecember 3, 2008 at 8:32 PM

    Interesting setup but still a bit vague with 'they'.

    I'd give it gander to see what goes on.

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  11. UnknownDecember 3, 2008 at 9:01 PM

    I like this! Short and sweet and loaded with potential for all sorts of conflict.

    I think I might eliminate one or the other or both emphases. I'm not convinced you need either one, but if I were going to keep one, I'd keep the first. (Just in case you wanted to know that.) :-)

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  12. LoriStronginDecember 3, 2008 at 11:35 PM

    Definitely intrigued. It's hard to do the minimalist approach, but you nailed it! I'd absolutely read on.

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  13. BethleneDecember 3, 2008 at 11:38 PM

    Hmmm. . . I'd probably read on to see what they were talking about. But this isn't all that intriguing so far.

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  14. Anette J KresDecember 4, 2008 at 9:47 AM

    It feels a little awkward to me. It doesn’t really hook me either. Sorry.

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  15. Amy LaurensDecember 10, 2008 at 12:19 AM

    Ah, *adores*! :)

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