Have you ever wondered why the Bible says Harry knew Sally and they begat Little Harry? Instead of Harry bonked Sally?
Actually, that’s not something I’ve wondered about either — until this morning.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Miss Snark's First Victim
I enjoyed the voice you employed. Keep going with this. Good start!
ReplyDeleteI like the voice, too, but I'm not crazy about a rhetorical question opener.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice. I don't like questions opening a story, but this might work.
ReplyDeleteI would read on to find out.
Does...the bible really say that?
ReplyDeleteAgree with AC about starting a novel with any questions... but it does make me curious about where you're going with that.
You've got my attention. :)
ReplyDeleteThe voice is fun, but the fact that the story has immediately place the bible as the focal point would make me proceed at a cautious pace.
ReplyDeleteIf it could even be implied to be preachy or taking a dump on Christians, I'd drop it like a bad habit. I don't enjoy texts that exude the author's prejudice.
That's not to say I wouldn't read on and don't suspect it's going to be a fun story, but it is a consequence of starting with that as the focus.
My first though is Harry and Sally is a movie, not a Bible story, and I stumble on confused from there. Maybe I went to the wrong Bible classes as a kid?
ReplyDeleteAs for openings, technically fine, but I'm not hooked. Aside from throwing me off on a tangent this opening doesn't get me.
I agree with Just_Me: using different names would remove the movie connection and I think that would help.
ReplyDeleteI would read on, but at this point I'd only give you another couple of sentences. If you wander off into "I got up, I had a piece of toast, I ..." I would put the book down. I want an answer to why you're wondering about this, and I want it right away. :)
This one so got my attention. Good voice.
ReplyDeleteSince the Bible doesn't say that, I stumbled over the read a bit. I wondered why not just use the names in the Bible if you're going to reference it?
ReplyDeleteThe voice sounds fun but the execution had me scratching my head.
I'd probably not read on.
I'm not sure what to say here. I don't necessarily have a problem with rhetorical questions as openers, but I was thrown completely wide of any sort of mark by Bible, Harry, Sally and Little Harry in one glomp right there at the start. How do those things relate, exactly? I think I'd have to read on to figure out where this might be going, but if it didn't give me some orientation points pretty quickly, I'd have to pass.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but not hooked. Sally and Harry never appeared in the bible, and though I'm not remotely religious, it just seemed like a big, gapping research error. I don't mind rhetorical question openers, but this one just didn't work for me. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteKinda funny. A bit sacreligous. I don't think the word bonked existed until the last 100 years.
ReplyDeleteI'd probably read on to see why the question was asked.
The second line totally got me. The first confused me, but the second hooked me right back. Great.
ReplyDeleteOkay, this one's just plain odd, and it has a great voice. Hooked. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally about the whole Harry and Sally not in the Bible thing, but I'm very willing to read on to find out what the narrator's on about...