And now I am unabashedly taking the day off. It's my birthday and I'm happy about it.
Know what I'd love? A story. Will you write me a comment box story for my birthday?
- Genre: Fantasy, please (my favorite)
- Rule: Write two sentences and pass the pen
- Participate as many times as you'd like
- Make sure the story resolves with a HAPPY ending before midnight, EDT!
*smile*
In a faraway kingdom, a princess was celebrating her birthday. Ferrets and unicorns hauled a six-ton chocolate cake with dark chocolate ganache frosting up to the moat of the castle.
ReplyDeleteThe Princess of Quite -A-Lot awakened to the sound of angry accusations coming through her open window.
ReplyDelete"What do you mean you can't fly the cake across the moat," grumbled the chief ferret, Gromstock, "You're Unicorns, aren't you?"
"Yes, sir," came the breathy sound of their voices, like harps on the wind. "But we have no wings."
ReplyDelete"Wings?" scoffed the ferrets, "silly unicorns, you don't need wings to fly!"
ReplyDeleteWings or paddles, it wouldn't matter, thought Princess Anonia. Unless the unicorns could turn themselves invisible, they'd never get by the gatekeeper.
ReplyDeleteShe doubted many unicorns knew the answers to the three questions: What is the princess's name, who is her favorite agent, and how many squirrels can fit under a castle.
ReplyDeleteThe evil gatekeeper was the most cunning in the land. Luckily, they have employed the help of Lord McSwoony, the Princess' beloved.
ReplyDeleteLord McSwoony, Sir Swoony to his friends, glared at the gatekeeper who refused to lower the drawbridge. Fortunately, Swoony McSwoony had friends in low places: Englebert, Keeper of the Key to Outhouse number 17 and assistant to the Evil Gatekeeper.
ReplyDeleteOf course Lord McSwoony knew the princess's name, having wooed her since childhood. And he employed the help of the magical encyclopedia known as the Intertubes to find her favorite agent--but the squirrels?
ReplyDeleteYet, unbeknown to the Princess, McSwoony had a thing for choclate granche and was secretly lusting to have the whole cake himself.
ReplyDeleteThe Evil Gatekeeper could see McSwooney's lust for the cake and knew he now had a means to control McSwooney. Visions of the crown of the kingdom on his head, McSwooney and the princess his servants, suddenly danced in the gatekeeper's head.
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ReplyDelete"At last the kingdom with be mine!" sneered the most cunning of all the Gatekeepers. You see he had always dreamed of ruling the kingdom because of his love for the underclass Ferrets’.
ReplyDeleteBibblebottom, Lord of the Ferrets' was in truth in league with the evil gatekeeper. Sending the pampered Unicorns off to find another way to enter the castle with the cake, Bibblebottom soon sent his signal to the Gatekeeper and their nefarious plan began to unfold.
ReplyDeleteThe gatekeeper who was not the sharpest knife in the drawer first had to send a squire to the castle library to look up the word "nefarious".
ReplyDeleteBut soon after the squire returned with the meaning of the word to the Gatekeeper, who's name incidentally was Fred, he went to work on the next phase of their plan.
The pelican-shaped cleaning lady knocked on the door, awaking the disheveled red haired princess within. "Milady, these men in your life plot and scheme; you must flee with thy weapons, thy magic and out your window pegasus awaits to attend thee."
ReplyDeleteThe drawbridge lowered moments later, and with the loss of the unicorns help, the remaining ferrets struggled to carry the cake into the castle.
ReplyDeleteAll part of his plan, the sly Bibblebottom asked McSwoony to help, and as he approached the Chocolate cake Bibblebottom tripped our hero, entrapping him in the rich chocolate frosting.
The princess armed with her magic and weapons sitting atop her white Pegasus soared above the castle to survey the commotion below.
ReplyDeleteUpon seeing the love of her life, Lord McSwoony, in his compromised position she became hypnotized by the allure of a chocolate covered prince and swooped in for a closer look.
Trying to count all the people on the drawbridge, the princess realized there wasn't room for wolves or ninjas in this story. Oh well, a chocolate covered prince would have to do...
ReplyDeleteIt was really too bad the sun rested so high in the sky, burning the once hard prince to a puddle...
ReplyDeleteWith the princess swooping down ever lower, Fred commanded Bibblebottom to order his ferets to climb one on top of the other.
ReplyDeletePrincess Agatha didn't notice the wobbly ferret ladder climbing ever higher until the most feared ferret, Frankenfurter, grabbed at her glass slipper.
The princess tumbled from her steed and landed with an enormous SPLAT in the cake below trapping her in its thick sticky icing.
ReplyDeleteTried as she might to free her hands and use her magice, she couldn't break the chocolaty hold.
"Can't Fight the Chocolate!" she exclaims, feeling defeated by the yummy goodness.
ReplyDelete"Oh!McSwoony - what ever shall we do?"
While the Princess struggled and the Lord gobbled the Ferrets made a run for the castle.
ReplyDeleteLike rats to the Pied Piper they came from every corner of the kingdom in the call of the Ferret Lord!
He who shall maybe sometimes be names - aka the Ferret Lord - quickly took control of the castle, imprisoning every human within its walls.
ReplyDeleteAll the while, McSwoony continued with his wholehearted attempts to free himself and his love from the chocolately snare!
McSwoony, realized then that his lust had been selfish and that nothing in life could be sweeter than having a mate who loves chocolate as much as you do...
ReplyDeleteThis realization reminded him of their lives together, the summers growing up, the trips to the fair.
ReplyDeleteThe the fleeting memory of the fair, the Prince suddenly knew what to do!
"You'll never get away with this Bibblebottom..." The princess declared. Then looking at her adversary came to the realization, "I'm sorry I can't take you seriously if I have to call you that. Do you mind if I call you Bob instead?"
ReplyDeleteBibblebottom was offended by this declaration! He was a proud Farret Lord who was actually Farret Lord Bibblebottom the XII.
ReplyDeleteAs Lord Bibblebottom started his verbal sparring with the princess, which was all part of her plan to distract him so McSwoony could arrange their escape undetected, Englebert, Keeper of the Key to Outhouse number 17 and assistant to the Evil Gatekeeper came over to aid McSwoony.
ReplyDeleteFor Englebert was truly a ninja in disguise (see Wulf? you can always fit ninjas into a story...they are stealthy :D ) and he ninja force have come to settle their long held grudge with the mighty ferret nation!
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ReplyDeleteThe princess was well aware that technically her weasel-ish opponent was Bibblebottom the XI, but as eleven is as unlucky a number for ferrets as 13 is for humans and ferrets being a generally superstitious group, well, you know. She knew that he knew that despite his bravado, he was indeed the Unluckiest Bibblebottom and she planned to use that to her advantage.
ReplyDeleteEnglebert used his Ninja abilities, which he had picked up as an elective course in Outhouse Key Keeper school, to infultrate the ferret lines. They were no match for his stealth.
ReplyDeleteWith years of competative eating championships under his belt, McSwoony skillfully ate his and the princess' way out of the shackles of Chocolate cake.
ReplyDelete"Free McSwoony!" he yelled, as he lept to his feet, ready to defend his princess love to the bitter end... or at least until the indegestion kicks in.
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ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, Fred the mean and cunning ferret loving gatekeeper has seized control of the throne room. While the battle rages outside the castle walls between the Ninja Outhouse #17 Key Keeper and the Ferret army he busily tries on the royal crowns with his ferret friend Boonackle.
ReplyDeleteBut none of the crowns fit the unlucky Lord Bibblebottom; they slip down around his slinky body encircling him like a skirt, which irks him to know end.
ReplyDeleteInfuriated (there's nothing so funny as an infuriated ferret) Lord Bibblebottom hurls a crown which unfortunately impales his ferret friend, Boonackle.
Back to chocolaty back, the princess and McSwoony prepared to defend themselves. Always prepared, the clever princess plucked a large spoon out of her bodice and started lobbing chocolate bombs at the ferrets.
ReplyDeleteLobbying away, the Princess climbed to her feet, stilleto heels unfortunately digging into McSweeny's hips, back, and shoulders picks up his fallen sword. She called to her command her army of field mice. "Onwards!" She cried and the quick little mice, plastic cocktail swords raised, charged forward to battle!
ReplyDeleteBack in the throne room as Fred tries on crowns, he is having traumatic flashbacks to his last job where he was forced to travel the kingdom attempting to cram stinky women's feet into a silly glass slipper all in an effort to find some chick McSwooney danced with once and had the hots for. When he finally found her (a bedraggled servant, of all people), McSwooney had already "fallen back in love" with Princess Agatha Anonia and the poor servant girl was yesterday's news.
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ReplyDeleteFred finally realized that he didn't want to be a ruler, to become what he hated most, he just wanted his voice and the voice of Ferret Nation to be heard! So turned to his friend Boonackle and said, "Boonackle, my friend, we need a new plan."
ReplyDeleteA new plan? One that doesn't include your tantrums impaling me with bejeweled objects I hope.
ReplyDelete"Not at all," Fred said gleefully. "I think we should start a band--we could call it 'Fred and the Ferrets' and go on tour across the country!"
ReplyDeleteCheering broke out across the throne room and word quickly spread to the courtyard where the princess and her gooey consort still struggled. "Huzzah," all the Ferrets cried, "Let's make music, not war," and they ran off, leaving the Princess and McSwooney free to eat chocolate, and rejoice over the birthday of the wonderful Authoress.
ReplyDelete"They're utterly tone deaf," McSweeny said in a low voice, as Princess Agatha Anonia smeared a handful of chocolate icing across his forehead.
ReplyDelete"I know," the princess whispered, "but I'm biding my time, only pretending to be interested in chocolate cake, while inwardly planning the traitor Fred's permanent removal ... I'll have that ferret-loving, chocolate-cake-destroying scoundrel swinging from the flagpole before the sun goes down."
And they all lived happily ever after. Err... except for the ferret-loving, chocolate-cake-destroying scoundrel swinging from the flagpole, that is.
ReplyDelete(happy b-day Authoress :)
haha,
ReplyDeleteHow did I miss out on this fun? Great stuff.
Congrats, Authoress!
What fun reading all this. Would love to know what the deleted entries contained.
ReplyDeleteNow, Authoress, why don't you disemble these 'worthy commeths' and write a coherent story using the available data? Sounds like a great picture book is in there somewhere.
Happy birthday. Me too.