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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS15

TITLE: THE UNICORN TAMER
GENRE: Middle Grade Fantasy

Dragons are actually more curious than cats.
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40 comments:

  1. Tracey S. RosenbergApril 1, 2009 at 9:25 AM

    Heh. I'd read on. :)

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  2. Jamie GreyApril 1, 2009 at 9:46 AM

    Love this! I'd read on.

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  3. AmethystGreyeApril 1, 2009 at 9:54 AM

    For middle grade this seems to nail it. Concise, simple, a little funny thrown in. Good job!

    Amethyst

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  4. CD CovingtonApril 1, 2009 at 10:29 AM

    I want to read it! It's spot-on for kids, too.

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  5. Amy Sue NathanApril 1, 2009 at 10:42 AM

    Love it.

    I'd get rid of "actually" as it's one of those almost-always-totally-unnecessary words. If it's the voice you're looking for, try something like:

    Dragons are more curious than cats. No joke.

    See what I mean? Obviously just my 2 cents.

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  6. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 10:57 AM

    Great opening! Would definitely keep reading.

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  7. Lucy WoodhullApril 1, 2009 at 11:22 AM

    Great! That sentence conjures up a fantastic picture in my head.

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  8. Being BethApril 1, 2009 at 11:36 AM

    OH yeah, definitely would read on.

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  9. LizzleApril 1, 2009 at 11:36 AM

    I'm hooked.

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  10. The Screaming GuppyApril 1, 2009 at 11:54 AM

    Haha cute. Sounds right for middle grade too.

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  11. Sheila JGApril 1, 2009 at 12:09 PM

    Love it!

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  12. DianeApril 1, 2009 at 12:16 PM

    Excellent way to capture just the audience you're looking for. Kids who love dragons would read on. Kids who don't probably wouldn't care for the book anyway, right?

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  13. c.e.lawsonApril 1, 2009 at 12:35 PM

    Cute and surprising. Perfect hook for kids (certainly my MG daughter). Gives a nice mental image right away. Nice job.

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  14. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    I love it. Great job!

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  15. Amy KinzerApril 1, 2009 at 12:43 PM

    Cute.

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  16. PCBApril 1, 2009 at 1:00 PM

    I'm with Amy Sue (above) - take out the "actually" and I'd read further!

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  17. DorothyApril 1, 2009 at 1:02 PM

    With this title, first line is good. I'd read more. I'm hoping it will have some fun to it.

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  18. EricApril 1, 2009 at 1:08 PM

    I wouldn't change a thing. The voice is great, and its definitely appropriate for the audience. I'd keep on reading, just to see what was coming next.

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  19. romoakApril 1, 2009 at 2:20 PM

    I also agree with Amy Sue (above) - take out actually.

    Love it, hooky and great for your age group.

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  20. Jeanne RyanApril 1, 2009 at 2:35 PM

    love it. Get rid of actually.

    Short, interesting and fun.

    Good job

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  21. Elana JohnsonApril 1, 2009 at 2:42 PM

    I like! Dragons...yes. Great job!

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  22. JudyApril 1, 2009 at 3:19 PM

    Yes, I would read on.

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  23. J.R. JohanssonApril 1, 2009 at 3:41 PM

    hooked, fun and playful :)

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  24. Deb SApril 1, 2009 at 3:47 PM

    Love a good dragon tale!

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  25. midnightbloomsApril 1, 2009 at 3:49 PM

    Completely hooked. Great first line!!

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  26. puzzlehouseApril 1, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    I really like this, actually. :)

    Seriously, I love the playful tone. The voice feels young, and that's what young readers want.

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  27. PeterApril 1, 2009 at 4:55 PM

    I loved this, but agree with the comments about 'actually' but understand why it's in there...adds to the rhythm of the sentence.
    I'm kind of hoping it ends up looking like this:

    Dragons are more curious than cats. Cats have more lives.

    Maybe that's just me. :)

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  28. MercApril 1, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    I like it! I'd cut "actually" as well, but otherwise, I'd read on. :)

    ~Merc

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  29. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 5:52 PM

    Very cute! I love it.

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  30. spadesApril 1, 2009 at 6:15 PM

    Hooked.

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  31. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 7:42 PM

    I say don't cut the 'actually.' It would change both the rhythm and the meaning of the sentence.

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  32. AliceApril 1, 2009 at 7:52 PM

    Nice. Very good hook.

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  33. Kelsey (Dominique) RidgeApril 1, 2009 at 10:38 PM

    I would definitely read on.

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  34. Elizabeth LundApril 1, 2009 at 10:51 PM

    Love love love this! Makes me want to open the book and read it out loud.

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  35. Cheryl SApril 2, 2009 at 6:52 AM

    'Actually' sounded more conversational to me, so I would leave it in there

    I thought it catchy and would read on.

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  36. WindyApril 2, 2009 at 9:35 AM

    Made me chuckle to myself a little and I love that.

    Nice job.

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  37. justJoanApril 2, 2009 at 10:38 PM

    Okay, I'd read on to find out more . . . but it did throw me a little since the title is about Unicorns and the first thing I read is about Dragons . . . but it is part of the reason I'd keep reading so I wouldn't change it. =)

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  38. danceluvrApril 3, 2009 at 1:18 AM

    Now this is cute and intriguing. Good job.

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  39. sonjaApril 3, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    Absolutely love it. Cute & clever.

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  40. AnonymousApril 3, 2009 at 3:20 PM

    Yeah, I'm hooked. Good job.

    Fred

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