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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

FS40

TITLE: Tsashi
GENRE: steampunk/fantasy

“Bombs, my friend, have an unequivocal desire for destruction, rather like women.”
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20 comments:

  1. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 10:04 AM

    This is a fantastic sentence! It makes me want to read more.

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  2. c.e.lawsonApril 1, 2009 at 11:37 AM

    Now THAT's a chip on someone's shoulder! I'd read on because I like the voice. Nice job.

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  3. The Screaming GuppyApril 1, 2009 at 11:38 AM

    I like. Sounds like it's going to be a messy book. >:D It a good way, I mean.

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  4. TraciApril 1, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    I resent that comment! LOL I'd read on! :-)

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  5. Andrea CremerApril 1, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    Great hook and I love that you're writing steampunk. I'd love to see more.

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  6. PeterApril 1, 2009 at 12:29 PM

    This one made me laugh, out loud...great job. Would definitely read on. Love the voice, great line of dialogue...might be able to add a VERY small beat right before 'rather like women.' to highlight the punchline...

    but this was great! I've read little steampunk but I'd read this

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  7. Deb SApril 1, 2009 at 12:46 PM

    I agree, great voice!

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  8. EricApril 1, 2009 at 12:57 PM

    This is really good (whether you agree with the idea or not, heh heh). Its definitely a sentence that would keep me reading.

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  9. Kathleen MacIverApril 1, 2009 at 2:40 PM

    This is good! Except I think it needs a semicolon or em dash or something instead of the last comma.

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  10. AnonymousApril 1, 2009 at 5:12 PM

    This line nails it. Even a hint of the genre comes across. Well done.

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  11. spadesApril 1, 2009 at 6:19 PM

    Nice. Hooked.

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  12. MercApril 1, 2009 at 7:23 PM

    Thanks, everyone! :D

    Peter--ooh, I like the idea of something to set up a beat before "rather like women", thanks for that.

    B-)

    ~Merc

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  13. PCBApril 1, 2009 at 10:30 PM

    I like it!

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  14. Elizabeth LundApril 1, 2009 at 10:33 PM

    I tend not to like openings that start with a line of dialogue, but the humor in this is very hooky so it works to get me to read on. I'd like to meet the character who says this line of dialogue.

    Good luck!

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  15. LoriStronginApril 1, 2009 at 11:57 PM

    I'm kinda on the fence on this one. The voice is clear, but I'm not sure I'm hooked by it yet. I'd probably read on a bit to see where this is going.

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  16. EliseApril 2, 2009 at 12:04 AM

    This made me smile, a sure way to get me to read more. I like the voice a great deal, I like the humor. Nicely done.

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  17. puzzlehouseApril 2, 2009 at 10:03 AM

    You established the character right away, and a promise of things blowing up. Works for me!

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  18. justJoanApril 2, 2009 at 7:26 PM

    First of all, on behalf of women, I protest! ;-)

    But perhaps she doth protest too much? =)

    I'd definitely read more.

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  19. Just MeApril 2, 2009 at 9:07 PM

    Made me smile :)

    I also have a picture right away in my head of the person speaking. I'd read on for sure.

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  20. AnonymousApril 3, 2009 at 5:04 PM

    I'm in. This may be my favorite so far.

    Fred

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