TITLE: Other
GENRE: YA Fantasy/Romance
EMOTION: Compromising
Other is a Beauty and the Beast story in reverse. Alain is trapped in the estate of a powerful creature (much to the creature's annoyance) and is trying to convince her to teach him about "the Other World," the realm of magic which he has just discovered an affinity with.
“What?” she snapped.
“I want to learn about the Other World.”
“So what?”
“You’re the only one who can teach me.”
“That’s too bad.”
Alain’s imagination had seldom failed him before. He relied upon its full extremes now, pretending he was having a reasonable conversation with a civilized person. “Don’t you think it would benefit you as well as me?”
Her beady eyes narrowed. “I can’t imagine how.”
Ignore the nastiness. Imagine she’s perfectly pleasant. “Well, you keep complaining about how I’m a hopeless, bumbling idiot. Disturbing your solitude and all that. If I knew what I was doing, I wouldn’t disturb you any more, would I?”
She drew her bristling brows together for a moment. Alain realized she was actually considering it. Then her face settled into its habitual glower. “You think you’re clever, don’t you?”
“No.” He dared a smile. “I’m hoping you could help me become so.”
The creature bared her fang-like teeth. “All right, clever boy, explain to me how teaching you, requiring me to spend more time in your irritating presence, would disturb me less rather than more.”
“Maybe not in the short term. Long term, though…” Alain shrugged.
“It could take months. Years, judging from how you fumble about.”
Alain forced his face to remain bland and unaffected. She was watching him, waiting for him to pout or flinch or frown.
The creature threw her hands into the air. “Do you enjoy having people walk all over you? Fine. I’ll teach you, whatever good it will do.”
Miss Snark's First Victim
Not bad. There is a nice flow to the dialogue and the characters have my interest peeked.
ReplyDeleteThe one spot that I think is a little odd is the last line. "Do you enjoy having people walk all over you? Fine. I'll teach you, whatever good it will do."
There seems to be two different thoughts smashed together here. And I think you need to seperate them because it doesn't make sense the way you've written it.
I would use the word surrender, not compromise. Alain got exactly what he wanted.
ReplyDeleteI agree about the last line, it threw me. Other than that, smooth and interesting.
I liked this, though I agree that the line lines seem conflicted. The dialogue clearly conveys both character's voices. I'm not sure about compromise so much, but the dialogue does show us that Alian has a level head and knows how to get what he wants.
ReplyDeleteI like the dialogue - it's snappy. That's a good thing. : )
ReplyDeleteI can actually feel 'her' disdain, and yet I sense a bit of interest as well. Great job.
I like the Alain character. He's complex and likable. What exactly are bristling brows? I don't understand her final comment about having people walk all over you but it might relate to something earlier in the story. An interesting concept to reverse the beauty beast story. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI liked this. I got a good sense of Alain from both the dialogue and his inner thoughts and I thought you did a good job at showing how difficult the creature is to deal with. The conversation flowed.
ReplyDeleteThe story sounds interesting too. Good job!