Oops. Twenty seven words by my fingers. Very tough to set a hook in twenty-five words. I would read on in this case, because perspiring minds want to know.
Not hooked. The pun title, the church and the character's name being Faith... I'm just too jaded to appreciate that anymore. (It's not just you. Other virtue names do it to me too. And sin names.)
I might read a little more, but it'd have to hook me pretty quickly. First person present tense is iffy for me. I like how those few words give a sense of the main character (it's not a very positive picture at this point, but that could be because of length restrictions). The groaning and dragging gives a mental image of a somewhat petulant (and thus normal) young adult protagonist.
I might read a little more to see if there is something more there, but I'm not a huge fan of present tense and there's not really anything in these two lines that immediately hooks me.
Wow! Thank you everyone for the great comments. It was definitely hard to grab 25 words. :0)
Here is a short excerpt on my blog for those that want to know about homework trumping church. http://kristifaith.blogspot.com/2010/03/bit-of-fiction-healing-faith.html
I have to go in the not-hooked camp. On one hand, homework-over-church is what I'd've picked, too, so I can identify with the feeling, but maybe because it's so normal to me, it doesn't grab me.
not hooked. i didn't see anything that even hinted at what the story is about. and that's what i always look for when reading the first cpl of pages in Borders.
Wow. I thought this was hard as a writer submitting only 25 words. As a critter it's even worse. :O
ReplyDeleteMy initial impression... I'm not entirely hooked here. It very likely is because it's trimmed up so tight I can't get a feel for the protagonist yet.
Oops. Twenty seven words by my fingers. Very tough to set a hook in twenty-five words. I would read on in this case, because perspiring minds want to know.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. The pun title, the church and the character's name being Faith... I'm just too jaded to appreciate that anymore. (It's not just you. Other virtue names do it to me too. And sin names.)
ReplyDeleteHomework over church...hooked
ReplyDeleteI might read a little more, but it'd have to hook me pretty quickly. First person present tense is iffy for me. I like how those few words give a sense of the main character (it's not a very positive picture at this point, but that could be because of length restrictions). The groaning and dragging gives a mental image of a somewhat petulant (and thus normal) young adult protagonist.
ReplyDeleteI might read a little more to see if there is something more there, but I'm not a huge fan of present tense and there's not really anything in these two lines that immediately hooks me.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Angela. I'd read a little more to find out why Faith hates church so much that she'd opt to do homework instead.
ReplyDeleteIt's really hard to start a book with dialogue because the reader knows nothing about the character. Why do we care what she says?
ReplyDeleteNot hooked.
A little too "ordinary day" for me. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteBased on this alone (which is totally unfair, I know), I'm not hooked. Something about the dialog tags feels slow and awkward to me.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. There's nothing unusual about a kid whining about not wanting to go somewhere.
ReplyDeleteRather do homework? Got me.
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you everyone for the great comments. It was definitely hard to grab 25 words. :0)
ReplyDeleteHere is a short excerpt on my blog for those that want to know about homework trumping church.
http://kristifaith.blogspot.com/2010/03/bit-of-fiction-healing-faith.html
I'm hooked, but that's because I read it on your blog yesterday. :)
ReplyDeleteI think this makes the character whiny--in the first little taste of her. I'm not really hooked.
ReplyDeleteToo ordinary for me.
ReplyDeleteI have to go in the not-hooked camp. On one hand, homework-over-church is what I'd've picked, too, so I can identify with the feeling, but maybe because it's so normal to me, it doesn't grab me.
ReplyDeletenot hooked; who is Faith?
ReplyDeletenot hooked. i didn't see anything that even hinted at what the story is about. and that's what i always look for when reading the first cpl of pages in Borders.
ReplyDeleteWhat, is she going to be in church all day? Why can't she do her homework when she gets home? Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteI actually laughed out loud!
ReplyDeleteThis has been so eye opening!
ReplyDeleteFaith is the MC, and this is based on a true story.
As an adult, I'm not hooked, but a lot of YA will relate. Initial dialogue is a tough sell. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI would read more. I've tried to use that homework excuse. Now my son's trying to do the same:-)
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry.
ReplyDeleteHeh, wordver: bibled
so what
ReplyDeletealmost a cliche that a kid doesn't want to go to church