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Thursday, March 25, 2010

102 MG Fiction

TITLE: FROG BURGERS
GENRE: Middle Grade Fiction


He’s on me like stink on two-week old garbage. His hot breath prickles the back of my neck. I block with my right, dribble
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16 comments:

  1. Carolyn R. ParsonsMarch 25, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    Basketball...I want to know what happens...yeah, hooked here :)

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  2. samsevernMarch 25, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    HOOKED!!! LOVE THE TITLE! LOVE THIS OPENING!!! ㋡

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  3. Carolyn R. ParsonsMarch 25, 2010 at 4:19 PM

    I came back to say I love the title of this and saw someone beat me to it :)

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  4. Joshua McCuneMarch 25, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    Interesting title. As someone who's played lots of basketball, I have a hard time connecting with the sensation. I've had guys guard me like an old dog on a new bone, but I've never noticed their breath on my neck. The 'block with my right, dribble' also doesn't jibe with me.

    If the defender's breathing on his neck, that means the MC's in the post, which means he's probably receiving a pass. If he's gonna dribble, it's probably gonna be after a spin move, or once hard into the lane and then throw up a hook.

    Know I'm being nit-picky as hell, but the verisimilitude didn't ring true for me... I might keep reading b/c I like basketball, but if the authenticity quotient didn't pick up for me soon, I'd probably stop.

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  5. Shannon O'DonnellMarch 25, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Love, love, love the title! :-)

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  6. Luc2March 25, 2010 at 5:07 PM

    Nice title. I played a lot of basketball, but I've never noticed someone's breath on me during a game.

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  7. Sheila JGMarch 25, 2010 at 5:49 PM

    Hooked. Great title, voice and action.

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  8. melody colleenMarch 25, 2010 at 9:11 PM

    Well, the title certainly hooked me.

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  9. EmMarch 25, 2010 at 10:27 PM

    Not hooked. The title skeeves me out. And that is enough to keep me from reading. Though probably not middle grade aged kids.

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  10. jchaneyMarch 26, 2010 at 12:28 AM

    I thought it was good. hooked.

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  11. bfavMarch 26, 2010 at 12:49 AM

    I'd keep reading. Great action.

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  12. Karen CollumMarch 26, 2010 at 2:39 AM

    Count me as hooked. Like the simile in the first sentence.

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  13. Jodi MeadowsMarch 26, 2010 at 6:40 AM

    Not really a sports person, so not hooked. I might be otherwise.

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  14. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 9:06 PM

    Not hooked, though I'm not a sports person. I did like the first line, though. ;)

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  15. Cheryl SMarch 27, 2010 at 11:07 PM

    Great energy here and lots of action.
    Hooked

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  16. RobbinMarch 28, 2010 at 12:59 AM

    two week old garbage seemed a bit over the top--day old garbage stinks! breath on neck slows the action for me--i think of basketball as fast--he has time to think about the breath and if he does how can he be doing anything if the guy's on him that close?

    sorry, basketball is my favorite sport because it moves, this didn't

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