TITLE: A Fallen World
GENRE: Psychological Drama
The flashing red lights called to him like a lighthouse to a lost sailor. Michael Bryant rushed toward them, his temples dripping with sweat.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked. Way to cliche in the first line.
ReplyDeleteIt's not bad writing, and I wouldn't shut the book just after those words, but maybe the simile is a little much? There are so many stories that begin with chaos and police lights, what's the single sharp detail that makes this one stand out?
ReplyDeleteSorry... I'm not hooked yet. I just am not that crazy about the "like a lighthouse to a lost sailor".
ReplyDeleteI agree, I don't like the first sentence
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, mainly because of the lighthouse simile. Red flashing lights make for a vivid enough scene without inserting a totally different picture into things.
ReplyDeleteI think people aren't liking the cliche approach because the two sentences really can be made shorter and more dramatic.
ReplyDelete***** raced towards the flashing red lights.
You really don't need anything else to draw you into the story. Like a newspaper headline. It's a raw punchy way to say "Man Bites Dog"
Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry.
ReplyDeleteI kinda liked the lighthouse simile.
ReplyDeleteThe mention of red lights and sailors had me thinking something a bit different. Ahem.
ReplyDeleteBased on this, I'm not hooked, but of course I wouldn't normally dismiss a piece after only reading 25 words.