TITLE: MYSTERIOUS GIFT
GENRE: YA Science fiction / fantasy
A soft meow sounded as a shield of protection formed around the Standford family home. The guardian remained alert until relieved in the early morning.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Miss Snark's First Victim
Not hooked; too much of simply "setting a scene" without any characters.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Nothing is happening except a kitty saying meow and a guardian is standing around. Why can't you start with what happens in the early morning? Obviously that's where the story starts.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. I feel like I have to think too much to figure out what this is in the very first line.
ReplyDeleteWeak hook. I'd keep going to find out what was up with the meow and why a house would need guardians.
ReplyDeleteConfused, not hooked. Agree with what was said above.
ReplyDeleteSorry... I'm not hooked yet. I'm a little confused at this beginning.
ReplyDeleteI think the wording is confusing. We associate a "meow" with the sounds cats make, not protective shields, and the information about the guardian seems disjointed -- like it has nothing to do with the shield. Also, the first thing I thought about when you said "relieved in the early morning" was that the guard had to pee, but I know that's not what you meant.
ReplyDeleteI don't think so. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteThe meow feels unrelated to the shield, and then nothing happens but waiting until morning. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry.
ReplyDeleteBoring...
ReplyDeleteToo much telling to really grab me.
ReplyDelete