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Thursday, March 25, 2010

170 MG Contemporary Fantasy

TITLE: Spriggan Treasure
GENRE: MG Contemporary Fantasy


Ry Cooper was a foul-mouthed delinquent, the kind of kid who talked back to teachers and left his garbage for someone else to clean up.
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24 comments:

  1. WyndyDayMarch 25, 2010 at 5:21 PM

    Not really hooked. I don't feel any sympathy or anything to connect with Ry Cooper, assuming he's the MC. I wouldn't read on.

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  2. samsevernMarch 25, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    HOOKED!
    This is my type of character! Got me wondering where the writer is leading him.... ㋡

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  3. TamiMarch 25, 2010 at 5:32 PM

    I'd read on a tiny bit. If Ry was the MC, I'd probably drop it. If the MC was someone describing Ry...then I might keep going.

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  4. AnassaMarch 25, 2010 at 5:38 PM

    Hooked! I'm with samsevern. I want to know why we're being introduced to this kid.

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  5. Keren DavidMarch 25, 2010 at 6:05 PM

    I don't like the narrator's voice, it sounds stuffy and judgmental.

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  6. Claire RobynsMarch 25, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    Hooked. I really hope Ry in the mc

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  7. Vicki RochoMarch 25, 2010 at 7:56 PM

    "the kind of kid" puts me off. I would prefer "he talked back to teachers and..."

    If he is the MC, I hope you show me why I should care about him in the page or two that follows.

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  8. UnknownMarch 25, 2010 at 7:59 PM

    If Ry Cooper IS the MC, I would read on to see whether he changes or not.
    If he isn't, I would read on to see how Ry Cooper effects the MC.
    . . . I want to read on!
    However, if Ry Cooper stays a foul-mouthed, disrespectful delinquent the whole book, I would put it down.

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  9. SarahMarch 25, 2010 at 9:23 PM

    I agree with school_of_tyrannus. This is not a genre I would normally pick up, but the first line draws me in.

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  10. ChristiMarch 25, 2010 at 10:34 PM

    I'd read more. As a teacher, I have seen this kid often. I'm interested to see more.

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  11. bfavMarch 26, 2010 at 1:20 AM

    I liked the voice. I'd keep reading.

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  12. Gayle HedringtonMarch 26, 2010 at 2:40 AM

    I liked it and would keep reading. There are some people who always leave their garbage for someone else to pick up... Great opening.

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  13. Karen CollumMarch 26, 2010 at 2:50 AM

    I think it would definitely hook in MG readers. Would keep reading, but like someone else said, I hope Ry Cooper isn't the MC - otherwise your dialogue for a foul-mouthed delinquent is going to be interesting for a MG market!!

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  14. Jodi MeadowsMarch 26, 2010 at 5:37 AM

    *snork* Okay. I'd give it more. I don't know if I'm hooked or not, but I'm certainly not not hooked. ;)

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  15. Sandy WilliamsMarch 26, 2010 at 9:00 AM

    I thought this was great writing. I'd read on.

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  16. Kelsey (Dominique) RidgeMarch 26, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    Hooked. I like the voice, the description, and the potential for things to happen with this Ry Cooper character.

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  17. Susan X BradleyMarch 26, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    I'd definitely read on. I got a nice feel for the character and he sounds like someone I'd like to read about.

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  18. suzanneMarch 26, 2010 at 1:35 PM

    I have a good feel for Ry right from the start, but my first thought was, "I don't want to read about him." I would read on though to see how he is going to figure into the story and if he becomes likeable enough to want to follow. One sentence is too short to decide.

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  19. UnknownMarch 26, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    Not hooked.

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  20. MercMarch 26, 2010 at 3:25 PM

    Not entirely hooked, since I wonder if it could be tighter, but I'd read on to see if Ry is our protag or if someone else is commenting on him.

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  21. Sarah LaurensonMarch 27, 2010 at 1:40 AM

    Hm. Nice description. Foul-mouthed sounds a little cliche. Not sure if he's the MC or being viewed by the MC. I'd read some more.

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  22. Cheryl SMarch 27, 2010 at 7:29 PM

    This one caught my eye. Short yet punchy. I'd read on

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  23. "Dorn ohne Röschen"March 29, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    He's foul-mouthed, and a delinquent... and talks back and doesn't pick up after himself. Does he also watch cartoons and eat cocoa puffs?

    What I'm saying, is: If you're going for ironic anticlimax, you've succeeded. If that's not what you're going for, what sets Ry Cooper apart from other people his age?

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  24. JamwesMarch 30, 2010 at 2:21 PM

    Probably don't need to say that he was "a foul-mouthed delinquent" if you are just going to show it as well. As they say, show don't tell.

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