Partially hooked. Why is there mist in the bedroom? I would expect the fantasy element in that to become apparent quickly to either set the hook or lose it completely.
Like the first one I commented on... it's hard to tell whether I'm hooked or not.
The first line gives us the setting and lends quite a moody feeling with the mist. <- So aside from thinking that cool air coming in a window wouldn't exactly cause a mist, so there must have been a seperate cause, I liked this first line.
If the next sentence immediately gets to the protagonist and the problem, I'd definitely be hooked.
I'm hooked. I can already picture someone in a small bedroom feeling the air. Why are they in there? Why is the window open? Did they come through it? Are they waiting for someone?
Not hooked yet. Beginning with a description of a bedroom at night makes me think someone is going to be waking up or something. It just doesn't seem like a unique enough start.
Like the veil of mist and the small bedroom, but agree with most- I'd like some action! However, I would read to the next sentence, hoping things would pick up. :)
I would probably read the rest of the paragraph, but it'd have to hook me quickly in the next few sentences. I'm sort of hoping the mist is a sign of something ominous.
I agree with one of the above commenters. Its hard for me to say whether I'm hooked or not. I'm a patient reader. If I want to read a book for whatever reason: a rec, a great cover, I'll stick with it for a while before giving up.
Even so, I can't say this "grabbed me," ya know. But it didn't turn me off either. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the writing- that's for sure. And it did place me in the scens, so I say I like it! I hope agents would.
Not hooked. One of the things I read agents hate for YA is starting with the setting...just an idea...why is the protagonist? I want to know her/him first.
Not hooked...As a reader, I need some action, not description
ReplyDeletePretty. I'd read a little more to see where it went.
ReplyDelete(Wordver: Guess.)
Partially hooked. Why is there mist in the bedroom? I would expect the fantasy element in that to become apparent quickly to either set the hook or lose it completely.
ReplyDeleteOnly because of the title, I might read further. It's pretty, which is good, but nothing about this is in itself hooky for me.
ReplyDeleteLike the first one I commented on... it's hard to tell whether I'm hooked or not.
ReplyDeleteThe first line gives us the setting and lends quite a moody feeling with the mist. <- So aside from thinking that cool air coming in a window wouldn't exactly cause a mist, so there must have been a seperate cause, I liked this first line.
If the next sentence immediately gets to the protagonist and the problem, I'd definitely be hooked.
Not hooked because of broken metaphor, air doesn't cast light.
ReplyDeleteI'd continue to read, but I'm not hooked by a description of weather.
ReplyDeleteNice, just a bit over written for my taste.
ReplyDeletei.e. cool, crisp; partially open; light veil; small bedroom
Still, it evokes an image and a feeling. I'd read on.
Not hooked. Weather descriptions don't generally interest me if not observed by or affecting a particular subject (person or thing.)
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. It's the weather. There's no character or action for me to latch onto.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked. I can already picture someone in a small bedroom feeling the air. Why are they in there? Why is the window open? Did they come through it? Are they waiting for someone?
ReplyDeletenot hooked, need action
ReplyDeleteNot hooked yet. Beginning with a description of a bedroom at night makes me think someone is going to be waking up or something. It just doesn't seem like a unique enough start.
ReplyDeleteThe writing's good, and I can easlily live with no action for 25 words...
ReplyDeleteStill reading.
Like the veil of mist and the small bedroom, but agree with most- I'd like some action! However, I would read to the next sentence, hoping things would pick up. :)
ReplyDeletehmm, not hooked. The sentence was a bit much for me. Like it's trying to hard to happen.
ReplyDeleteNo hooked yet. Seems overwritten, but I'd read a little further.
ReplyDeleteI'd hop it up and add the magical flavor that I think you might be going for - but what do I know? I've only read 25 words!
ReplyDeleteHmm. I think it's a bit adjective-heavy. That said, I'd keep reading - in the bookstore, I don't tend to stop after 25 words anyway.
ReplyDeleteWith that opening, this story could be about anything. Not hooked.
ReplyDeleteI like the way this sentence flows. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked -- reads a bit awk IMO
ReplyDeleteI would probably read the rest of the paragraph, but it'd have to hook me quickly in the next few sentences. I'm sort of hoping the mist is a sign of something ominous.
ReplyDeleteI'd read more to find out what's up with the mist. :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with one of the above commenters. Its hard for me to say whether I'm hooked or not. I'm a patient reader. If I want to read a book for whatever reason: a rec, a great cover, I'll stick with it for a while before giving up.
ReplyDeleteEven so, I can't say this "grabbed me," ya know. But it didn't turn me off either. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the writing- that's for sure. And it did place me in the scens, so I say I like it! I hope agents would.
Not hooked. One of the things I read agents hate for YA is starting with the setting...just an idea...why is the protagonist? I want to know her/him first.
ReplyDeleteNice, but not hooked. I tend to skim over descriptions like this when I'm reading.
ReplyDeletePartially hooked. Depends on 2nd sentence.
ReplyDeleteNot quite hooked. Sorry. I would at least like a person in there somewhere, but I know 25 words is tight.
ReplyDeleteI don't really care to read more or about what is going to happen. I've seen lines like this too many times before.
ReplyDeleteMy preference is to have something going on with a character right at the beginning. So, not hooked, I'm afraid.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading. I think it's well written, sets a definite mood, and matches the genre.
ReplyDeleteNot quite hooked, sorry.
ReplyDeleteIt's a nice sentence but doesn't make me want to keep reading
ReplyDelete