Hooked. Love the humor in this and the style of writing. You got the historical angle across very smoothly. I definitely want to know what happens next!
Hooked enough. I like a character in a predicament.
Main negative is "lace-covered bottom" which doesn't seem right for an historical period (unless it's a very recent period) because it makes me picture lace underwear, and that's a recent thing. Also using the word "bottom" in what seems to be the context makes me question the voice.
However, all of that would depend on what the period, character and situation turn out to be.
The title made me think this was set in the early 1900's. The street below made me think city. Climbing out the window made me think tenement building, or a home where apartments were rented rather than a home she owned, and that made me think she wasn't wealthy, which made me wonder how she afforded lace undies.
Your 25 words made me envision all this, and that's enough to keep me reading because, right or wrong, you make me feel confident I'm going to get an interesting story.
pretty good, but I feel it could be punchier, by setting it up with how she's feeling and then going to the butt in full view. starting off with the butt in full view made me think this was a hooker, and then I had to revise my image when I got to the second half of the entry
I think it's a great hook, I'd love to see how she extricates herself from the embarrassment. But I'm not sure where the history is as obvious to me as it seem to be to some of the rest. A lace-covered bottom is possible right this moment, whereas prior to the Civil War it would not have been -- undergarments changed dramatically for women when bloomers came in; the undergarment in question would have been two legs not connected in the middle and it would have been the last place lace would have been used. So maybe I'm quibbling with history, but that doesn't take away from the "I want to know how this turns out" factor.
Seems to be trying to do too much in one sentence. Start with: My lace-covered bottom was on full display to the street below.
Then continue as to where and why etc. If it's night doesn't it matter if undies show. Is the street busy below? Tell me she's climbing out a window and the context.
I like this. I like how you wove a historical detail into this opening. Great! I'd definitely keep reading. :)
ReplyDeleteHah. Yes. Mostly hooked.
ReplyDeleteSomewhat hooked. I'd read a little further to see why she was hanging from the window.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep reading to find out why she's in this predicament.
ReplyDeleteI'd want to keep reading to figure out why she's hanging too, but you might be able to work in hints before you get to the reveal...
ReplyDeleteI always like a bit more intro before embarrassment, but I imagine that's coming afterward... partial hook.
ReplyDeleteHmm. I'd give it a few more lines.
ReplyDeleteIt's cute and sassy. I love it. You got me.
ReplyDeletecute, I'd keep reading
ReplyDeleteThis is a great way to show a person climbing out of a window. Hooked!
ReplyDeleteHooked. Love the humor in this and the style of writing. You got the historical angle across very smoothly. I definitely want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteI love the humor, hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'd keep reading to see how she gets out of this predicament!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely hooked.
ReplyDeleteThis one made me smile. I'm hooked.
ReplyDeleteHooked! Well done. :-)
ReplyDeleteI almost laughed out loud! Hooked.
ReplyDeleteHah! Nice opening. I want to know how she got into that situation (and how she's getting out).
ReplyDeleteHooked enough. I like a character in a predicament.
ReplyDeleteMain negative is "lace-covered bottom" which doesn't seem right for an historical period (unless it's a very recent period) because it makes me picture lace underwear, and that's a recent thing. Also using the word "bottom" in what seems to be the context makes me question the voice.
However, all of that would depend on what the period, character and situation turn out to be.
I would keep reading!
ReplyDeletePartially hooked, but distracted by the structure of looking down, then up.
ReplyDeleteYes, embarassment always works for me. I couldn't stop reading just yet.
ReplyDeleteI would read further so see what was going on...
ReplyDeleteThe title made me think this was set in the early 1900's. The street below made me think city. Climbing out the window made me think tenement building, or a home where apartments were rented rather than a home she owned, and that made me think she wasn't wealthy, which made me wonder how she afforded lace undies.
ReplyDeleteYour 25 words made me envision all this, and that's enough to keep me reading because, right or wrong, you make me feel confident I'm going to get an interesting story.
pretty good, but I feel it could be punchier, by setting it up with how she's feeling and then going to the butt in full view. starting off with the butt in full view made me think this was a hooker, and then I had to revise my image when I got to the second half of the entry
ReplyDeleteI'd certainly read on.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I call an "Aw CRAP!" moment. Made me smile. I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteI'd keep going. Cute!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Love the title; I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteI just said historical wasn't my thing, but this was funny. I'd definitely keep reading
ReplyDeleteI think it's a great hook, I'd love to see how she extricates herself from the embarrassment. But I'm not sure where the history is as obvious to me as it seem to be to some of the rest. A lace-covered bottom is possible right this moment, whereas prior to the Civil War it would not have been -- undergarments changed dramatically for women when bloomers came in; the undergarment in question would have been two legs not connected in the middle and it would have been the last place lace would have been used.
ReplyDeleteSo maybe I'm quibbling with history, but that doesn't take away from the "I want to know how this turns out" factor.
Seems to be trying to do too much in one sentence.
ReplyDeleteStart with:
My lace-covered bottom was on full display to the street below.
Then continue as to where and why etc. If it's night doesn't it matter if undies show. Is the street busy below? Tell me she's climbing out a window and the context.