The way the word "they" is written in caps is what picked up my curiosity. There is obviously something wrong with her relationship with her parents, something up with them. I would read on. :)
I think the set up of forgetting a birthday is good, but I think for diary entries to work over the course of a book, the voice needs to be strong and immediate, and I don't get a sense of either here.
While I realize that it's likely true to genre, I take an immediate dislike to the narrator (particularly the "I hate my life" line.) I get that most YA readers will associate with it, but I'd not keep reading.
I don't know. This sounds like another whiny teen. And the sentence structure is choppy. Not really a YA voice, but not really out of it, either. Just choppy. I don't know that I'd read on.
Maybe. It seems whiny. If that is going to be the main tone it wouldn't keep my distance. The first part works, but the second part is what turned me off.
I'm not hooked—yet. I shared the concern about the diary opening–unless the whole book is written as a diary. And I had the same initial thought as another critter mentioned—this immediately made me think of 16 candles.
I do not like this at all, and I love YA. I've kept many diaries and never, not once, did I ever write, "Dear Diary" and then proceed, I just got into the kissing already.
I'm sorry, but all I could think of was the old Molly Ringwald movie, 16 Candles, and that made me think- I've already seen this. However, I'm middle-aged, not your target audience, so I'm probably not your best critiquer.
almost seems like a cliche--parent forgetting a birthday--since they forgot AGAIN meaning it's happened before then I would think there's much more serious stuff going on than forgetting a birthday--that would be what I'd be interested in...
I love this! This is my ultimate fear, as a parent, that this will be my child's thoughts. I would definitely read on!
ReplyDeleteThe way the word "they" is written in caps is what picked up my curiosity. There is obviously something wrong with her relationship with her parents, something up with them. I would read on. :)
ReplyDeleteI think the set up of forgetting a birthday is good, but I think for diary entries to work over the course of a book, the voice needs to be strong and immediate, and I don't get a sense of either here.
ReplyDeleteMaybe. The writing is good and it will probably hook a lot of people, but personally it's just not doing much for me.
ReplyDeleteWhile I realize that it's likely true to genre, I take an immediate dislike to the narrator (particularly the "I hate my life" line.) I get that most YA readers will associate with it, but I'd not keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like it, but am cautious about it becoming something I've seen before.
ReplyDeleteSounds exactly like the movie, Sixteen Candles...not hooked...give me something different than Molly Ringwald in the 1980s
ReplyDeleteNot hooked -- I've got a 'woe is me' family member, so reading about a WIM character would be difficult for me.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. This sounds like another whiny teen. And the sentence structure is choppy. Not really a YA voice, but not really out of it, either. Just choppy. I don't know that I'd read on.
ReplyDeleteI dunno. I don't think I'd read on. It's the 'I hate my life' premise.
ReplyDeleteMaybe. It seems whiny. If that is going to be the main tone it wouldn't keep my distance. The first part works, but the second part is what turned me off.
ReplyDeleteI was also struck by the resemblance to the movie Sixteen Candles. That makes me balk.
ReplyDeleteYou lost me on Dear Diary and the rest read like an old movie (16 Candles)
ReplyDeleteIt just didn't do it for me, which is mostly personal preference.
ReplyDeleteNot looked. Not original. And I certainly don't care for the whinny character.
ReplyDeleteOops my brain's frozen from critting too many of these. She's whiny not whinny.
ReplyDeleteNo really compelling, so not particularly hooked at this point.
ReplyDeleteI'm not hooked—yet. I shared the concern about the diary opening–unless the whole book is written as a diary. And I had the same initial thought as another critter mentioned—this immediately made me think of 16 candles.
ReplyDeleteI do not like this at all, and I love YA. I've kept many diaries and never, not once, did I ever write, "Dear Diary" and then proceed, I just got into the kissing already.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but all I could think of was the old Molly Ringwald movie, 16 Candles, and that made me think- I've already seen this. However, I'm middle-aged, not your target audience, so I'm probably not your best critiquer.
ReplyDeleteOh, and I did like that movie, BTW.
I don't think this is unique enough. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked. :)
ReplyDeleteOMG...Did you get my diary! LOVED IT!
ReplyDeleteI love the voice. I mean, I just adore it. That alone hooked me. I don't generally like diary/journal format books, but I would keep reading this one.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked, sorry. I can see it having an appeal but it didn't do much for me.
ReplyDeleteNot hooked. Diary writer, while justified, sounds whiny. It would annoy me for an entire book.
ReplyDeletealmost seems like a cliche--parent forgetting a birthday--since they forgot AGAIN meaning it's happened before then I would think there's much more serious stuff going on than forgetting a birthday--that would be what I'd be interested in...
ReplyDelete