TITLE: MARKED BEAUTY
GENRE: YA Paranormal Romance
The knife sliced through, coming out clean on the other side, but it always did when Aunt Eliza did the cutting. Viktor pushed off the kitchen wall and backed into the sunroom as pieces of cake were passed around; his smirk never wavered from his face.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Semi-hooked. Like that the slicing knife sounded so ominous, but turned out to be innocent. The smirk annoyed me. So, I'd read on a bit to see where it's going.
ReplyDeleteI would keep reading to find out why Viktor smirked. Sounds like something might be up. I mean, here we are at a family gathering and everything seems innocent and then good old Viktor smirks and nothing is what it seems. So yeah, I'd totally read on.
ReplyDeleteLove the first line. Loved the conflicting images it sent racing through my mind's eye. I'd read on just for that.
ReplyDeleteI'm hooked. I loved the menace of the first sentence and then finding out it was about cake being cut.
ReplyDeleteI can't picture pushing off and backing into something at the same time. Maybe pick one of the two. I'm interested in the cake, though. :D
ReplyDeleteYes, I'd read on to see what's up with Viktor I like this beginning . . . it's slightly eerie, but also mysterious, too! So I guess I'm hooked! Best of luck with this!
ReplyDeleteI think this has potential, but the motivations need to be clearer; I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be taking away from this scene.
ReplyDeleteIs Viktor trying to escape? Does the compliment to Eliza imply a criticism of someone else? It's not clear to me what's going on, and that leaves me outside the story, puzzling about it, rather than being drawn into the story as I should be.
The writing's nice, but I don't have a sense of needing to read on. The first sentence doesn't feel connected with the rest of it--a different voice, almost. I'd probably read a little more to see if it was worth continuing further.
ReplyDeleteFeel good. This was the only one out of 50-26 that inspired me to comment. The first line irked me, but then when I read that it was just a cake cutting it really drew me to see where it was going. I would agree though to maybe change the smirk to another word.
ReplyDeleteI can't figure out the knife coming out clean. Especially with cake (or bodies as I first pictured).
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I'm curious to read more.