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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

25 Words #10

TITLE: Montana Groom
GENRE: Historical Western Romance

There was nothing left to sell. Everything that remained in the house and on the land was necessary for Noreen to live from day to day.
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9 comments:

  1. Vincent KaleJune 22, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    How can you not love a historical western romance??

    I like your setup: desperation of the situation, struggle for survival and introduction of your protagonist (I'm assuming).

    Points for originality!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kathryn Packer RobertsJune 22, 2010 at 1:43 PM

    I agree. You feel the desperation right away.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Daring NovelistJune 22, 2010 at 2:25 PM

    The first sentence gets me. It's great, it's a good hook. But the second doesn't do much. I'm not sure that's bad - just that in this 25 word limit, it resorts to telling. Also, since the first implies that everything has been sold, but now we know she has kept the house and what she needs to live, it weakens the impact of the first.

    I'd rather see (as a second sentence) an example of the choices she has made - like maybe "With the plow sold, she had to keep the hoe, and she'd freeze this winter with no ax."

    ReplyDelete
  4. BarbaraJune 22, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    Great first sentence. And great advice from the Daring Novelist. I'd take it!

    ReplyDelete
  5. BethJune 22, 2010 at 4:13 PM

    Love it. The desperation comes across right away.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Trish EsdenJune 22, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Great tone and voice. I do think Daring Novelist's suggestion would allow you to make it stronger by showing the how bad it is. But it works as is.

    ReplyDelete
  7. BronJune 23, 2010 at 4:20 AM

    Like Daring Novelist, I thought the second sentence weakened the impact of the first. Unlike Daring Novelist, I didn't have a great suggestion as to how to fix it, but his/hers is perfect. The story itself sounds like it's going to be interesting, but I think you can start with a little more punch.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousJune 24, 2010 at 5:45 AM

    Choices can be so hard.

    This is what you've conveyed with your first sentence.

    I too like Daring writer's suggestions. It gives a greater impact to that first stak statement.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete