TITLE: Regina Brinkwell & the Truth Brigade
GENRE: Middle Grade
Tired of adults telling fibs, a twelve-year-old plans a community service project to rid her town of big fat liars and gets in an honest-to-goodness mess when her Truth Brigade uncovers a blackmailer, a cheat, and a heartbreaking secret among prominent townspeople.
Miss Snark's First Victim
This is kind of cute. I'd like to read more.
ReplyDeleteI love this one. My only comment would be to capitalize Big Fat Liars.
ReplyDeleteMG's not my normal style, but the addition of the "heartbreaking secret" is GREAT spice. Very intriguing, and I'd want to know more.
ReplyDeleteThis is very well done, but almost too cute. Words like "fibs," etc., almost makes it feel like the book would talk down, rather than come from a place the tween can relate to. Perhaps something to work on, both for the logline and the book as a whole.
ReplyDeleteA couple of things:
ReplyDelete1) Give us a name so we can attach to the main character as a person, not just a "twelve-year-old".
2) You've got the inciting incident and conflict but I don't see any consequences or a goal. "The Truth Brigade uncovering..." is just something that happens. It's not HER goal.
3) I personally would leave out the "big fat liars". This is a great voice technique for a query but not really necessary for a logline.
I liked this. I would like to know more about what sort of community service project would rid the town of "big fat liars," but maybe I'll just need to read the book. I'm not sure about the 'honest-to-goodness,' I don't know if it adds anything here.
ReplyDeleteI think it's interesting. I do wonder with some of the language if this is historical or modern day, but I'd be interested enough to read more.
ReplyDeleteAdults telling fibs sounds a little young for a 12 y/o, but otherwise, I think it sounds fun.
ReplyDeleteVocabulary is inconsistent. It sounds like a 12 year old, then doesn't. Worries me about your book, in general.
ReplyDeleteCute concept! I'm very intrigued, although I do think the "heartbreaking secret"--while a powerful phrase--is a bit out of voice.
ReplyDeleteStrong voice and good concept. I want to know what is at stake for the MC besides big trouble. Right now there seems to be a little more at stake for the townspeople. I'd make it more personal for the MC to hook the young target audience.
ReplyDeleteCute concept and i'm intrigued. I do agree with others about seeing if there's a way to show the consequences for the MC.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
I like the sound of this - and right off the bat I get a sense I'd enjoy the writing, that it's clever and funny. Yes to a name for the MC.
ReplyDelete'Fibs' does dumb this down a bit, but saying 'lies' is too strong, I think. Maybe using something like 'not enitrely truthful?'
ReplyDeleteAnd is she just tired of the fibs, or did one of them affect her in some way, which could be what motivates her to start the project.
This sounds like a great read. My only nit is that at first it sounds "cute," as several have noted, but the deceptions uncovered are quite serious. So I'm not sure what the tone of your book will be.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this! I don't think you need to change much of anything, except you could take out “plans a community service project to rid her town of big fat liars and". Mostly it's additional voice, which I think is strong enough in the rest of the logline. :)
ReplyDelete