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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

February Secret Agent #7

TITLE: Martin Dark's Seriously Awesome Guide to Ghost Hunting
GENRE: MG

If you are reading this, I am dead. Well, probably. Either that or I lost it somewhere, but that isn't very likely since I always keep it in my backpack and I hardly ever lose my backpack. I did lose it once last week, on the bus, but that was because I was sure the bus driver was going to miss my stop out of spite. It isn't my fault that her skin has the same texture as the outside of a grapefruit. And I seriously doubt I'm the only person to ever let her know that. Really, besides that time, I haven't lost my backpack in at least a month. So, if you are reading this, I am probably dead. If I'm not dead, I want this back, so you could mail it to me or leave it at my house.

This is my ghost hunting handbook. It's a dangerous job - if you want to be a ghost hunter, you have to be prepared to stare fear right in the face. You also have to be prepared to explain your hobby to your mom, your teacher, and the other kids in your class. They will all probably be jealous of you. They wish they could be as brave as you. So, if they start ignoring you or asking you to focus during silent reading instead of trying to trap the spirit that lives in the hamster's cage, just go with it. You know how they truly feel.
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19 comments:

  1. Sean Thomas FisherFebruary 9, 2011 at 10:42 AM

    This is awesome. Great example of how to quit messin around and set that hook right out of the gate. Outside of a query letter, this might be all the room an agent will give you to run and you ran with it well. Now I want to know if the kid is dead or not and just what kind of ghosts he/she has encountered. Especially the one that lives in a hamster cage. Nice voice!

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  2. JessFebruary 9, 2011 at 10:53 AM

    Definitely a strong voice here. It leaves me wondering if the entire novel will be framed within the handbook, and how that will work (sort of like a diary of his past experiences?). I'm curious enough to read on, for sure :)

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  3. JessFebruary 9, 2011 at 10:54 AM

    PS- Fun title :)

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  4. Tatum FlynnFebruary 9, 2011 at 11:37 AM

    Funny and engaging - great voice. Hooked.

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  5. K.TrattnerFebruary 9, 2011 at 1:09 PM

    The voice is great, love the voice. And it’s fun and cute. I would keep reading.

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  6. MariekeFebruary 9, 2011 at 2:06 PM

    I think the first paragraph could do with some tightening the prose, but other than that I'm absolutely hooked. Great voice.

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  7. BarbaraFebruary 9, 2011 at 2:53 PM

    I thought this was a fun opening and I'm already hoping he's lost his backpack and isn't dead. I do wonder, this being a guidebook, where a plot will come in and what it might be. So I'd read more, but I'd have to get some plot soon.

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  8. angela robbinsFebruary 9, 2011 at 4:30 PM

    I think this is absolutely delightful and I would definitely read on.

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  9. duwarrFebruary 9, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    I love the title and really enjoyed the MC's voice. It's funny and sounds very MG. I'm reminded of Sachar's HOLES, one of my favorite MG books and I'd definitely keep reading.

    I was wary of the two large paragraphs when I started reading, but the stream-of-consciousness style works very well and they don't seem long when I'm reading them.

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  10. Mandy P.S.February 9, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    I like the voice, and I really liked the second paragraph, but I'm going to have to disagree with the crowd and say that the first paragraph was a little too rambling for me. Though I could imagine someone thinking in this sort of stream of conscious fashion or talking in this sort of way, its hard to imagine (for me) a kid writing that way. Seems he'd want to go for the more dramatic "If you're reading this, I am dead. If I'm not dead, I want it back." So I would be inclined to take out the anecdote about the bus driver. But my opinion is in the minority, so its very possible I'm really off base.

    I would read on. I like the idea of the spirit in the hamster cage.

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  11. Michael G-GFebruary 9, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    I do like the voice, but it is a tad overfrenetic, like someone forgot to take his ritalin.

    Which he may indeed have done, since he can't focus in silent reading as he tries to trap the spirit in the hamster's cage. (Funny. Great line!)

    You are very close. Do some judicious cutting in paragraph one, and I think you've nailed a believable MG voice.

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  12. RebeccaFebruary 9, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    I have to agree with Bittersweet Fountain in regards to removing the whole side story about the bus driver, unless it becomes necessary later on in the book.

    For whatever reason, the opening made me think of the movie Zombieland. Maybe the movie had some line in it about how if you find this book, then it means I'm dead. Or I lost it. Who knows, but that's the vibe I was getting while reading it. Not a bad vibe, by the way, as the movie humored me immensely. I'm just not sure what direction the book is taking, so my mind immediately went to Zombieland and, okay I'm done rambling. Nice job.:)

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  13. tarakFebruary 10, 2011 at 9:11 AM

    I liked the whole thing. For me, the bit about the bus driver spoke volumes about the MC. Easily distracted, and as someone else posted, a bit frenetic. The title is fantastic.

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  14. RW RichardFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    MG MCs aren't trained in logic, so they'd ramble a little. I think the voice is powerful. And with a voice like that you can break rules, such as, digging into a diary rather than telling the story in the present. I'm not worried about traditional story structure with a voice like that.

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  15. Secret AgentFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:59 PM

    Great voice for an MG character. A little all over the place is very realistic. Train of though writing is intriguing as is the document that we, the readers, have found.

    I'm engaged enough to want to read on.

    Do agree that the first paragraph needs trimming. Two large paragraphs can be a bit off putting right from the start.

    Interesting to see if this entire manuscript is written this way.

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  16. BetsyNFebruary 10, 2011 at 4:52 PM

    Love the title, and the writing. Fun, ADD voice that pulls you in. I agree with the others that a tweak of the first paragraph is in order, but just a bit and you're golden.

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  17. UnknownFebruary 10, 2011 at 7:25 PM

    Hell, I can't find anything wrong. Wish I could write like that.

    Well done. Get ready for a contract!

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  18. Lori W.February 11, 2011 at 12:02 AM

    Fun! The spirit in the hamster's cage line made me smile.

    I'd agree w/trimming the opening paragraph slightly, but then I've re-read it six times to try to suggest where. I think it's a matter of words vs. sentences, like taking out "once" in once last week, changing "but that was" to "only because." I'm not sure.

    I'd definitely keep reading! Best wishes with this!

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  19. scriptoblamFebruary 11, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    Thank you, everyone, for your comments. This is so helpful! I'll certainly break down the first paragraph. For those that wondered, the rest of the manuscript is written in this style - it is set up like a guide book with advice for ghost hunters on specific aspects of the trade, sprinkled liberally with stories from his own experiences. I truly appreciate all the advice and well wishes!

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