TITLE: IDOL'S KISS
GENRE: Romance
An all girl metal band has fulfilled their dreams when their idol, Dani Deity invites them to tour with him. Not everyone is happy with the arrangement. The band is extra pressured to behave professionally in public and in private. The pressure is strained with the dangerous chemistry between Dani and the band's lead singer.
I knew I was committing career suicide but too pissed to stop. "What're you gonna do? Have your garage band beat me up?"
Bjorn's face turned the color of moldy mozzarella. It was the worst insult one can give a career musician. His hand was an apocalyptic blur as he backhanded me. The sound and feel of the blow was a Technicolor fusion of agony that only served to fuel my rage. I was sick of the bigoted crap that formed a constant wall between me and my dreams, sick of modifying every move to chisel at it. I was ready for dynamite.
My right leg swept out, caught him behind the knees and knocked him down. When the reach was right, I punched him in the throat.
Bjorn's roar of fury was reduced to the most pleasing sounds. "Ack! Fghrmmnghhhbeeetchhh!"
We charged like beasts in a National Geographic special. Before our fists could reach their marks, strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me away. Deity's band seized Bjorn and dragged him in the opposite direction. His croaks were beginning to sound like their intended obscenities.
I shrieked some words of my own, complete with anatomically correct qualifiers before my band's shocked faces came into view. I thought one of them grabbed me. Who held me?
The prickle of a man's arm hair tickled my elbow and I breathed in his alluring scent before I looked down. The sight of the octopus tattoo confirmed my sense of impending doom.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Wow.
ReplyDeleteFun and violent and strange.
Was she hurt at all by the backhand? does she have to shake it off before she charges?
Why is the octopus man's scent alluring? (would she even notice his scent when she had just punched someone in the throat?)
Exciting stuff!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOops, too many typos! LOL on the "octopus man!" Thanks for the feedback. :)
ReplyDeleteLove Dani's spunk, although I cringed when she "...punched him in the throat."
ReplyDeleteA punch is a powerful hit and targeting the throat is a kill shot. I doubt Bijorn would be able to talk or do anything after that. Hitting him in the nose (maybe break it?) or the base of the sternum would be ample to piss someone off. This threw me from the story, otherwise, I love the intensity.
I didn't see any reveal here. WHat is she suddenly learning, realizing, etc?
ReplyDeleteYou had some nice lines in here. (We charged like beasts in a NG special), but I just didn't believe it. You describe a backhand (not much of a hit) as an apocolyptic blur (which sounds devastating) Technicolor is something you see, and you're comparing it to a sound and the feel of the backhand. ANd she never feels the backhand. It doesn't hurt or sting. It doesn't knock her back a step or two. It's just a Technicolor fusion which really doesn't say anything.
She's just been pulled from a fight, and yet she feels the prickle of a man's arm hair on her elbow. Would she even have felt it under these circumstances? And if she did, how would she know it was an arm hair? How would she know it belonged to a man? Does a man's arm hair feel different from a woman's arm hair?
The whole excerpt is witten this way and I just couldn't get into it. Perhpaps consider a revision and show us what happened instead of telling us.
I'm very intrigued by the premise. I agree with Barbara that there are some glitches, but I was pulled in enough that I would read on.
ReplyDeletenice!
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