TITLE: Spark (A Fire Girl Novel
GENRE: YA Paranormal
Fire breathed down on her and took a small taste of her skin. The ceiling came crashing down as well, trapping bodies beneath rubble, but all Felicity Brant could do was watch a stray fire dance in her hands. It burned and bubbled on her palms. It left ashes of red hair and shards of skin on the hardwood floor. Yes, there was pain, the teeth marks on her bottom lip showed it, but she held back the tears because whatever water she could provide would not be enough to end it.
She was going to die.
She knew that in matter of minutes, the whole building was coming down and everyone would be trapped.
Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.
The fire was supposed to be her friend, and in fact, her family. If she were like her famous father Frank Brant III, Felicity could do something about the current situation. She could bring the fire into her body and not burn. She could harness it until it battled and died within her. She could save hundreds of lives from the waste of death.
But she couldn't.
Felicity was not her father.
Not yet anyway.
There wasn't a single fiber of magic in her body, not even in her pinkie, which was, in fact, burning up. No longer mesmerized by it, she quickly blew out the flame in her hands as if there were a birthday candle before her and made a wish.
Let me live.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Is this the second one?
ReplyDeleteI know I've read maybe the first? Or maybe you changed the beginning? Anyway, I love the whole concept, and I like your voice, so I'd totally read them all.
Great concept. Great! Very engaging, nice setup. I found the mention of her father distracting--she can't be him (literally) so the not yet made me go whaaa? other than that, loved it and would read it!
ReplyDeleteI really like this. It hooked me right away! great job.
ReplyDeleteThe concept sounds intriguing, and the voice is great! I'd definitely read more of this. A small nitpick is the 'not yet anyway' which threw me out of the story for a second, but maybe that's just me. Anyway, great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat opening, keeps the readers on their toes for what's coming up next. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteI really loved this piece. Great voice and fabulous set-up. I definitely would want to read more.
ReplyDeleteI like the set up but I'd like to get more of her emotions seeing that she's trapped in a burning building about to die. More fear or panic perhaps, and the info about her not being able to harness magic like her father can come later once she gets through this situation.
ReplyDeleteoh, yay! This is very good, from the "ashes, ashes" to her comparisons to her father, to blowing out the candle and her wish. I even like the sound of this series. Excellent stuff here! I'd love to read more~
ReplyDeleteBest, :o) <3
I would definitely read more. Great premise and a fascinating character.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I would suggest is the word "down" is used several times, and in most cases, could be pulled out without changing the meaning.
Hooked. I'd love to slip into the mind of a fire-magician for a while, so I'd definitely read on.
ReplyDeleteI liked the idea of a girl who could control and manipulate fire, but the opening fell flat for me. She's in a burning building, but there's no sense of flames roaring around her. There is no real description of the fire.
ReplyDeleteAlso, she's not doing anything. She's not struggling to get out. She's not thinking, OMG! I have to get out of here. She's not choking on the smoke or feeling the heat. She's just lying/sitting there, feeling sorry for herself, wishing she could be like her father. There's no urgency here, no - will she make it out alive. It seems she's resigned herself to death, even though she says let me live.
Perhaps make the scene more vivid/real by allowing us to see her fear and pain and her need to escape.
In this scene a building is going to collapse killing hundreds of people, including the narrator, but I felt very little urgency in it. I felt as if the narrator didn't care at all if she died until I'm told otherwise at the end---and there I'm told and not shown. I'm curious as to where this is going, and there's some nice set up about her father, but I'm not feeling any tension.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeletenice!
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