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Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Logline Critique, Round 3 #10

TITLE: Remembrance
GENRE: Paranormal Romance/Fantasy

Reunited by magic and reincarnation, Arianh, Tiernan and Aiden must rediscover the past to save their futures from a sinister man hell-bent on vengeance.
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15 comments:

  1. Lisa KesslerOctober 12, 2011 at 12:26 PM

    I like this one too, but I wish it was a little clearer why the villain is wanting vengeance... "Sinister" is a little vague...

    Otherwise I love reincarnation stories! Sounds great!

    Lisa

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  2. TeeOctober 12, 2011 at 12:59 PM

    This feels lacking to me. Why must they rediscover the past? A sinister man hell-bent on vengeance? "hell bent" cliched, not digging that, and I'd like to know a bit more of the hudles. Right now it's rediscovering their past, when I wonder if it shouldn't be the sinister man out for revenge.

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  3. DeanaOctober 12, 2011 at 2:57 PM

    I think this could be interesting but it is a little vague and I'm having a hard time trying to fit in what the other details are. Maybe you could give us a little more about why they are reunited or why they are the ones needing to save the past?

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  4. Marie AndreasOctober 12, 2011 at 3:28 PM

    I think there is probably a really great story here, but the logline isn't really showing it. Maybe some more details on just what reunited them? And more detail on who they are saving their futures from- sinister man hell-bent is a bit weak and doesn't give much information.

    But it looks like this story would be very interesting!

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  5. AnonymousOctober 12, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    While I like what there is here, I think you have room for more. Reunited makes me assume they knew each other before - but it isn't clear when or how (or even what their relationships are to each other - best friends?). A little more detail would help flesh it out. It is very intriguing though!

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  6. AnonymousOctober 12, 2011 at 5:42 PM

    While I like what there is here, I think you have room for more. Reunited makes me assume they knew each other before - but it isn't clear when or how (or even what their relationships are to each other - best friends?). A little more detail would help flesh it out. It is very intriguing though!

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  7. Diana JuliannaOctober 12, 2011 at 6:18 PM

    This is great, but I would like a bit more info. Why do they have to rediscover the past? How will that help save their future? I've heard of a few plots similar to this, which is why I think some clarification and fleshing can really hook the reader. :)

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  8. Holly BodgerOctober 12, 2011 at 6:53 PM

    "must rediscover" is more like an assignment that a goal and "save their futures" is too vague and not tangible. You need to tell us what makes them want to do what they need to do and why they need to do it. Once you've done that, we need a bit more information about how they are going to do it and how the man is going to stop them.

    Good luck!
    Holly

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  9. MarcyKateOctober 12, 2011 at 7:55 PM

    This is extremely vague. The thing that makes a good logline stand out is specifics - what makes your Paranormal romance different from ALL the others out there? Tease that out and make sure it's clear in the logline. Otherwise, I could think of several other books that this could describe. Keep trying - you'll get there! :)

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  10. Sarah FloydOctober 12, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    It sounds like a compelling story, but I'm confused about the relationship between Arianh, Tiernan and Aiden. They must rediscover the past to save their futures, but how are they connected to each other?

    Best wishes!

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  11. BeckyPOctober 12, 2011 at 9:57 PM

    I almost think you can take out "reunited by magic and reincarnation" and simply begin with their names to make it a bit more mysterious. Maybe something like, "Arianh, Tiernan and Aiden are forced to discover a past they don't recall living, in order to (solve something or do something that will protect their futures from a sinister man hell bent on vengeance.) And maybe describe the sinister man a little better, especially how they know him. Has he followed them from their previous life? Why does he seek vengeance?

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  12. Stephanie DiazOctober 13, 2011 at 1:11 AM

    I think what this lacks is an element of setting. Where does this story take place? The logline's generic enough that it could be anywhere. Add that in and it'll be more interesting. :)

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  13. KarenninaOctober 13, 2011 at 10:31 AM

    I find this logline sparse. What's the setting? Why should we care about the three characters? How are they related? Why is this sinister man out to get them? You need to fill in what you already have, to make your logline stand out. Good luck!

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  14. Writer TessaOctober 13, 2011 at 11:06 PM

    I'd like a few more details (eg: the relationship between the 3 characters)

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  15. S.A. HusseyOctober 14, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    THANK YOU to all who left comments, it is appreciated. Back to the writing log. :-)

    Thanks again.

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