TITLE: POTION OF DOOM
GENRE: MG Fantasy
Her teacher was wrong. Not all bats were nocturnal. Stella flipped through the notebook on her school desk. She kept an animal journal and the bats she had seen were odd – maybe a new species. She pushed her sunglasses further up her nose and scoured her entries under “Strange Sightings.”
Her finger slid down the page. Yes! She raised her hand and blurted. “Yesterday, I saw bats flying in broad daylight. I know that we have bats in North Carolina, but these were some sort of giant mutant species.” Leaning forward, she tapped the page. “And they had a ‘Z’ on their bellies!”
The teacher dropped her eraser. “What?”
The entire Possum Trot Elementary fifth grade class looked at Stella as if she’d just blown peas out of her nose.
“Stella, that’s very … interesting.” The teacher turned to the board.
Stella’s shoulders fell as snickers surrounded her. She shouldn’t have said mutants. Now she’d have to put up with another round of teasing.
“Woof, woof, dog eyes,” Cody whispered behind her. Stella sighed. She always wore sunglasses to hide her eyes. Her classmates said she must be part animal, because only dogs and cats could have one blue eye and one brown eye.
“Wooooofffffaafaafaa.”
Stella smiled slyly. Dumb Cody didn’t realize it was really a compliment. Animals had special powers. Her grandmother, the town psychic, had taught Stella about Animal Medicine. If you paid attention to the animals that crossed your path, you would receive messages to help you.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Wow! I definitely would keep reading this. Stella is a very interesting character and you've done a good job of bringing her to life.
ReplyDeleteSo many mysteries introduced, of course I'd keep reading! Great job.
ReplyDeleteI love the geekiness of the MC, all set on proving her teacher wrong. i think its something all kids that age would get behind. Love that she calls them mutants in her rush to prove it. The name choice are something too: Stella, Possum Trot, even the title, sets the tone and targets that student who's just a little off center. The prose can use some tightening and polish, but the foundation is there. I'd read more.
ReplyDeleteStella sounds like quite a character. I'm very intrigued and would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteOne problem I had was the teacher's reaction when Stella makes her statement. I'm not sure a teacher would drop the eraser (out of shock I'm guessing) and then a moment later almost dismiss the entire thing (that's very...interesting). Unless, of course, the teacher is hiding some secret that involves the bats, in which case it makes perfect sense.
Also, in the first paragraph, I'd say desk instead of school desk. It is very clear this takes place at school.
Good job and good luck!
Love it! Love Stella!
ReplyDeleteI think it's very important to let teachers know when they're wrong. Umm, no, they never appreciate it, but just must be done!
Want more!
Great voice and I definitely get MG from this. Yay!
ReplyDeleteWow, this sounds like SO MUCH FUN. Stella is just leaping off the page. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI like it! I like it! Did I say I liked it?
ReplyDeleteI want to know more about Stella and the bats, and the teacher acts like maybe she's hiding something. . . Tell me, please:)lol
Great opening. Good luck!
I liked this, because I liked Stella and the bat situation interested me. I thought the last paragraph sounded a little forced though, like a dump of information. I would read on for a while though to see where it goes.
ReplyDeleteGreat job capturing MG voice and setting up a very interesting main character!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
You have a great mg voice but I would be careful not to introduce too much at once. I thought it was really strong from the beginning up through, “Now she’d have to put up with another round of teasing.” After that you introduced so many new things I lost my connection to the voice. If the bats end up being a plot point, stay with them for a bit. Wouldn’t Cody tease her about the bats comment instead of her eyes? You can introduce her eyes, her psychic family and her ability to understand animals later.
ReplyDelete