Yes. This one was close for me. It's really hard to critique this sentence outside of the context of the next few, but I'm definitely interested to find out what this sentence means, so I have to say yes.
This one was tough for me, but in the end I think you can make the sentence a bit more complex without sacrificing the mystery you've created. I wanted something to move me forward, but it felt a little flat.
But I want more like right now. I do think it could be extended, but this does enough for me right now. I am hoping the next couple lines don't make it cliched with a vapid, pretty MC, but something far better.
However, I hope that it is followed by some equally beautiful prose. Otherwise, it will sort of work against you. There is nothing wrong with less literary prose (I write that way myself). However, this has a fairly literary feel. So, I expect lines 2 and 3 to equal this. If not, then the first line will fall more flat than it would have if you'd just started with a more conversational line.
Yes. I went back in forth on this because it seemed a little awkward. I settled on yes because I got the image of someone living in a mirror and that would be cool. I'd need to read on a few to decide. But this one alone would cause me to do so.
No. This doesn't make sense, since "mirrors" are inanimate objects, and plural at that - with only one life referenced. Is the MC's life "like a mirror"? That might pull me in, or might seem cliche unless you give more specific detail in a because-type clause.
Yes. The odd comparison makes me want to why his/her life is mirrors. However, if it doesn't make sense to me within the next couple sentences, I'd probably not read onward.
Yes. Interesting...makes me want to know why--is the character looking at life from a different perspective through the mirrors, or is s/he obsessed with his/her appearance? I'd want to know.
No. This might be great when combined with the following sentence, but on its own, doesn't totally grab me. (Incidentally, I think it's fine to lead with a couple of short sentences that grab the reader rather than cramming everything into one single long one. Just depends on your book, and the tone and voice you use throughout.)
1) There's just not enough there to fully entice me.
"My life" might as well be peanut butter or T-Rexes for all that I get a hint of what's going on here. I want a little bit of something to better anchor me. "My life is mirrors and designer gowns and flash bulbs." Or "My life is mirrors, and everything's turned backward."
2) The metaphor isn't exactly parallel, so it jars slightly. You could alter it slightly to something smoother, like:
"My life is like a mirror."
"My life is full of mirrors."
"My life is plagued by mirrors."
The way it's phrased right now makes it sound sort of like "Mirrors are my life," like baseball is my life or ceramic kittens are my life.
No. Only because when I read it, I read it as if this person's life revolves around mirrors, that they have a great love for them or something. Who loves mirrors that much? I realize on another reading that's probably not quite what it means, but I'd rather not have to read it a couple of times to work that out.
No. It's a bit too abstract, and I'm scared that what comes next will be an unwieldy and ultimately unsatisfactory explanation, or some more of the same type of prose, in which case I would not be able to get a strong sense of the character and what makes him/her special.
I agree with S. Kyle Davis, because it is poetic, and that's what intrigued me. I started trying to figure out ways a life could be mirrors. (my background is poetry, so I'm drawn to thIngs like this).
I disagree with Heather - that is, if it is truly poetic and you can pull it off - because her suggestions would change the meaning.
This seems to have the opposite problem from a lot of the other entries: too short, not enough information, and it feels like it's trying too hard to be cryptic and poetic.
Yes, definitely. I want to find out what's going on here, and the sentence, while short, manages to convey a poetic tone. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteBoth the title and the first line (and even more, the combination of the two) intrigue me.
No. Hmm, tough one. I think this is just too short, almost trying too hard to be short. Doesn't grab me.
ReplyDeleteYes. I wanted the answer to my question - why?
ReplyDeleteYes. This one was close for me. It's really hard to critique this sentence outside of the context of the next few, but I'm definitely interested to find out what this sentence means, so I have to say yes.
ReplyDeleteYes. The statement is simple and intriguing. It feels like it's part of what's going to happen next and it's straightforward.
ReplyDeleteNo. It didn't really give me enough to pull me forward to the next sentence.
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteThis one was tough for me, but in the end I think you can make the sentence a bit more complex without sacrificing the mystery you've created. I wanted something to move me forward, but it felt a little flat.
Yes. It's intriguing enough that I'd keep reading more.
ReplyDeleteYes, but it had better be explained real quick.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteBut I want more like right now. I do think it could be extended, but this does enough for me right now.
I am hoping the next couple lines don't make it cliched with a vapid, pretty MC, but something far better.
No. The comparison didn't make any sense to me. Maybe with further explanation it would, but based purely off this one line, I'm confused.
ReplyDeleteNo. This statement didn't make sense to me. Maybe a couple more words would help clarify the meaning?
ReplyDeleteNo, while it does intrigue me, it's too easy. Of course the reader will be hooked after that but personally, I'd like a little more
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeletePartly because the title kind of turns me off and because I don't know the genre, there is very little to tie the first sentence to.
Absolutely yes. Short, powerful, to the point, and has me asking questions, but not in a, 'Wtf is going on?' way.
ReplyDeleteWould it hook me? It already did.
Yes.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what you mean, but not in a bad way. It makes me want to read on, to know what the heck you're talking about.
Yes. It's short, evocative, and mysterious.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I hope that it is followed by some equally beautiful prose. Otherwise, it will sort of work against you. There is nothing wrong with less literary prose (I write that way myself). However, this has a fairly literary feel. So, I expect lines 2 and 3 to equal this. If not, then the first line will fall more flat than it would have if you'd just started with a more conversational line.
Yes. I went back in forth on this because it seemed a little awkward. I settled on yes because I got the image of someone living in a mirror and that would be cool. I'd need to read on a few to decide. But this one alone would cause me to do so.
ReplyDeleteNo. This doesn't make sense, since "mirrors" are inanimate objects, and plural at that - with only one life referenced.
ReplyDeleteIs the MC's life "like a mirror"? That might pull me in, or might seem cliche unless you give more specific detail in a because-type clause.
Yes. Sometimes less is more, and since it just the first sentence, I'd have to read on to see why.
ReplyDeleteYes. I have no idea what this means - but it sounds like it could be interesting. Id keep reading to find out.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't know who's talking or why I should care about them. Do they look in the mirror a lot? Do they make mirrors? What is it?
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteBecause I'd keep reading.
Yes. I want to know why the life is mirrors. A line like that keeps me reading.
ReplyDeleteNo- Interesting premise but promises no tension.
ReplyDeleteYes! I want to know more.
ReplyDeleteYes. The odd comparison makes me want to why his/her life is mirrors. However, if it doesn't make sense to me within the next couple sentences, I'd probably not read onward.
ReplyDeleteYes. Interesting...makes me want to know why--is the character looking at life from a different perspective through the mirrors, or is s/he obsessed with his/her appearance? I'd want to know.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'm intrigued! I'm hoping that the next few sentences are a continuation of this metaphor.
ReplyDeleteYes. I would read the next para, but you would have to get to the point quickly.
ReplyDeleteNo. There's not enough there to do more than confuse me. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteNo. I thought it was too vague and it wasn't enough to draw me in.
ReplyDeleteYes. But I need an explanation in the next sentence. :)
ReplyDeleteNo. This might be great when combined with the following sentence, but on its own, doesn't totally grab me. (Incidentally, I think it's fine to lead with a couple of short sentences that grab the reader rather than cramming everything into one single long one. Just depends on your book, and the tone and voice you use throughout.)
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteIt seems poetic, but:
1) There's just not enough there to fully entice me.
"My life" might as well be peanut butter or T-Rexes for all that I get a hint of what's going on here. I want a little bit of something to better anchor me. "My life is mirrors and designer gowns and flash bulbs." Or "My life is mirrors, and everything's turned backward."
2) The metaphor isn't exactly parallel, so it jars slightly. You could alter it slightly to something smoother, like:
"My life is like a mirror."
"My life is full of mirrors."
"My life is plagued by mirrors."
The way it's phrased right now makes it sound sort of like "Mirrors are my life," like baseball is my life or ceramic kittens are my life.
Yes, makes me wonder why she/he feels life is that way.
ReplyDeleteYes, it's cryptastic.
ReplyDeleteNo. Only because when I read it, I read it as if this person's life revolves around mirrors, that they have a great love for them or something. Who loves mirrors that much? I realize on another reading that's probably not quite what it means, but I'd rather not have to read it a couple of times to work that out.
ReplyDeleteYes. This leaves me completely intrigued -- I want to read on so I can understand what you mean by this.
ReplyDeleteNo. It sounds arty, but means nothing.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'll bite, because I like the idea and where it might lead. But the second line better make good on that promise.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's a bit too abstract, and I'm scared that what comes next will be an unwieldy and ultimately unsatisfactory explanation, or some more of the same type of prose, in which case I would not be able to get a strong sense of the character and what makes him/her special.
ReplyDeleteYes! I have no idea what that means, but I REALLY want to know.
ReplyDeleteYes.
ReplyDeleteClever, intriguing.
yes. short and intriquing. would definitely read more.
ReplyDeleteNo. 'My life is mirrors' Too short for me.....seems a bit awkward. I think it needed a little more for an opening hook.
ReplyDeleteYes. I like snappy lines like this. I'm intrigued. I wish I knew which genre of YA this was, my best guess is paranormal.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sure about this one, but landed on Yes.
ReplyDeleteI agree with S. Kyle Davis, because it is poetic, and that's what intrigued me. I started trying to figure out ways a life could be mirrors. (my background is poetry, so I'm drawn to thIngs like this).
I disagree with Heather - that is, if it is truly poetic and you can pull it off - because her suggestions would change the meaning.
No. I almost said yes, but as an opening line, it seems vague, like it's trying too hard.
ReplyDeleteYES! I love all the questions it causes to pop into my mind. I want answers!
ReplyDeleteNo. I have no idea what that means and no clear path to see that it might make sense with clarification.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'd read on to find out what the MC meant.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteThis seems to have the opposite problem from a lot of the other entries: too short, not enough information, and it feels like it's trying too hard to be cryptic and poetic.