TITLE: Must Love Breeches
GENRE: Time Travel Romance
A reenactment ball was the perfect setting for romance. Or not.
Isabelle fidgeted in her oddly-shaped, but oh-so-accurate ball gown surrounded by women who'd sacrificed authenticity for sex appeal. It was as if she were a dorky kid again, participating in dress-up day at school when everyone else had magically decided it was lame.
At least her co-worker Anna was with her in this. Like Isabelle’s, her dress was circa 1834. “Hmmm. How about him?” Isabelle asked, eyeing the guy walking past in tight-fitting, buff-colored pantaloons.
Anna sucked on her olive and plopped the stir stick back into her martini. “Oh, yes. A breech-ripper for sure.”
Isabelle choked on her drink—they’d just been discussing their favorite “bodice ripper’ romances. She’d also discovered they shared a mutual obsession with guys in period clothes, which had helped propel her through the early stages of the strange party. Since this was the first time they'd hung out, she treated this moment delicately, afraid to puncture the mood. No need to point out they were pantaloons, not breeches. To have another friend in London would be wonderful.
A sharp elbow in her side caused her drink to flirt with the rim of her glass. "Look lively," Anna said, her voice low with just a dollop of teasing. "Here comes Andrew."
Isabelle took a gulp of her Bellini, the champagne fizz tickling her throat and nose. She’d been cultivating a crush on him since she’d started working at the British Museum six months ago.
Miss Snark's First Victim
Oooh i like this...funny right out of the box and a unique fresh location. Well-done (claps hands)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Anon - fresh and fun! I would read on.
ReplyDeleteThe writing is precise and Moves the story along - as it should! The characters are interesting and you do a great job of giving information without makings to. Of adjectives. It flows very well and the characters are likeable. I'd read on! Good luck and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteVery fun! Not sure I loved the first sentence, but I enjoyed your writing, and the setting. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThe setting of a reenactment ball provides such a wonderful sense of place: the anachronism of the costumes and the modern speech patters is a great deal of fun and very inviting. Most definitely want to read more (and as much as I LOVE time-travel stories "Romance" is not really my genre so wanting to read more is a good thing).
ReplyDeleteLove this and I would totally react the same about accuracy versus sexyness. UGH! You got me.
ReplyDeleteI usually prefer openings to be more intense. I am not a fan of this genre, but I say this because surprisingly, I loved this. It painted a very clear and easy to follow scene. I thought this was great and would read on.
ReplyDeleteI like it, there were a few phrasing problems for me, but I definitely would keep reading. Looks fun.
ReplyDeleteThe "oh-so-accurate" was strange to me. I get what it means, but it looks weird with the dashes in between.
Good luck with it.
I like this! There's a sense of snark and poking fun at historical romances. I'd keep reading to see if Isabelle gets the guy (and good job introducing him right off the bat).
ReplyDeleteNot my genre, but I though the opening was interesting, nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteThere a couple of turns of phrase that, while I liked the idea behind the syntax, just seemed slightly off: "but oh-so-accurate," and "Like Isabelle's, her dress..." The only sentence that seemed out of place to me was "--they'd just been discussing their favorite "bodice ripper' romances" because the way it's phrased makes it feel like a sudden telling (maybe even an author intrusion for explanation's sake) when the choke would have been enough there, followed by the addition of the bodice ripper interest alongside the period-dressed fellows.
I had a little trouble getting into this one because I didn't get a good visual. Where is this event taking place? In a hotel ballroom? A period-appropriate country estate? And what does a circa 1834 dress look like? That kind of description would let me sink into the scene instead of floating outside it.
ReplyDeleteI think this is a strong opening; I have a sense for where the story's going. The second paragraph felt a little clunky, but it evened out after that. I liked the description on her relationship with her coworker which seamlessly added why they were there. I also enjoy a story that can poke fun, self-referentially, at its own genre. And the title is great!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on getting an additional agent submission. :)
Thanks everyone, your comments have been very helpful!!
ReplyDeleteLoved it......can't wait to read the whole thing!
ReplyDelete