TITLE: Good Girls Don't Do Such Things
GENRE: YA Contemporary
If I learned anything from the last eight times I changed schools, it’s that you have to follow the rules. Not the school’s rules. In fact, if you follow those too closely, you’ll end up being labeled a suck-up. You have to follow the rules of being the new kid.
No one ever taught me these rules. It took years of being thrown into a mass of undifferentiated faces to perfect my survival skills, but now that I have, I’m going to conquer my new school.
I’m tired of being lonely. Tired of my only friend being the weird girl that no one else wants anything to do with. I’m smart. I’m pretty. I should be popular.
I’ve probably compiled hundreds of these rules, but three are the most important on your first day and these are the ones I’m mentally reciting on my bus ride to school. (There should be a rule against riding the bus when you’re old enough to drive, but with no car, I have no choice.)
Rule Number One: If you have a common name (and I do), when you hear someone say it, for God’s sake, keep your head down. You’re new here, stupid. Why would anyone be trying to get your attention? The speaker is most certainly beckoning a girl who’s been lucky enough to have a mother who doesn’t insist on finding a better life every year.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I liked this. I want to know more about her, I'd keep reading. :)
ReplyDeleteI like the voice and the characterization, though the last sentence was a bit out of the blue. Overall, it sounds fun.
ReplyDeleteI want to read this book. Great voice, great premise, great hook. And I liked that the last sentence is out of the blue--it's good to throw in something unexpected now and then.
ReplyDeleteThe only suggestion I can make to improve this piece would be changing the title to simply, "Good Girls Don't."
I love your voice and love your premise.
ReplyDeleteThe third paragraph felt a little out of place to me. I know that we need to know about your main character, but I don't want to just be told this. I sort of get that automatically she's friendless because she's moved so much.
I like this, but I'd rather see her in a situation in her new school that could show us some of this information, rather than a whole page of explanation to start. She's new in school, she's moved a lot. Got it. Now show us her new school.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
This is the first entry that caught my attention...I can't pinpoint why I care about your main character, but I do. I like her rules, and hope that they get broken.
ReplyDeleteI love this voice. I care about this character, and I want to read more. I agree that the third paragraph might be unnecessary. But I do like the image of the weird girl no one else want to hang out with. Maybe you could show her to us at the new school?
ReplyDeleteNot quite hooked. I love the concept of conquering a new school with your own set of personal rules, but I think the beginning is drawn out a little. Rather than listing them off and explaining the reasoning behind them, I'd rather see them in action, dropping the rules as they become pertinent to the story.
ReplyDeleteI like this- a lot! I can't wait to hear rules 2 & 3. I think it's fine as it, and the last paragraph works for me because now we know why our MC has attended so many schools. I'm not a huge YA fan but I really like the voice and where the story's going. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGood voice. I'd keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice and the writing is pretty clean. I really liked the idea that she's tired of her only friend being the weird girl. But I would also like to see these rules put in action and see more of her interacting at her new school and less prep lesson for the reader at the beginning. At the very least, I would try to cut description so all three rules are on the first page.
ReplyDeleteThough I wouldn't mind reading more, I think you could cut paragraphs 2 and 3 and still get your point across. I'd like to know how she employs these rules as the story progresses, and what makes this particular moment in time worthy of a novel.
ReplyDeleteI like the voice and would keep reading.
ReplyDelete