TITLE: WAITING FOR SOMEDAY
GENRE: Women's Fiction
I’m dying to see you. We’ve all casually said that at one time or another, but for Allyson Kiley, seeing her childhood friend one last time means just that...
From the moment Allyson and Valene had exchanged smiles at the age of ten, the two girls seemed inseparable—but life had a way of rearranging itself. The steadfast friendship they once thought would endure a lifetime was severed, and their lives took different paths.
Diagnosed with cancer at age 38, Allyson intends to conceal her illness and handle her impending fate on her own terms. With time running out, she attempts to rectify a situation that has besieged her for years—to mend the rift that exists between her and her best friend.
Valene Del Monaco likes her life in New York just the way it is—simple and ordinary. Determined never to revisit her troubled past, everything changes when she receives a cryptic letter from her former best friend after a 22-year estrangement, urging her to come back to California.
Their emotional reunion is spent sharing stories of their adolescence, both women wishing they could change the past, only to realize the past had changed them. And now, as their hearts begin to mend and regain harmony, Allyson must choose whether or not to reveal that their rekindled friendship has an expiration date stamped on it—a date of her own choosing.
WAITING FOR SOMEDAY, complete at 91,000 words, intertwines the stories of two women whose friendship comes full circle. It is a poignant journey in women’s fiction containing subject matter certain to question readers’ attitudes on controversial themes (e.g., physician-assisted suicide), yet proves that even with the darkest cloud looming, silver linings really do exist.
Miss Snark's First Victim
No, but almost. This could be tightened up some, and also, give us an idea of what the conflict in the book will be (what happens other than the two women reminiscing and Allyson trying to decide whether to tell Valene she has cancer?)
ReplyDeleteNo. As is, the plot is almost identical to Beaches. I am a little curious about the date of her own choosing. Is she going to commit suicide?
ReplyDeleteThe first line caught me, the second lost me. Sorry, but no.
ReplyDeleteNo for now, but with a little more specificity about what sets the plot/characters apart, I could be convinced.
ReplyDeleteTentative no. Like another commenter said, it reminded me a lot of Beaches. If there could be something to set it apart, it might be better.
ReplyDeleteNo. The first part of the query reads as YA, and the last part as adult. The presentation, in general, is to vague. I'd rather know how this is different from every other "2 women reminiscing about their childhood" stories.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't see a conflict here.
ReplyDeleteNo. Let me know more about what happens plot-wise, and I might be convinced. All the set-up is there, but what actually happens in the narrative? Good luck!
ReplyDeleteNo. I agree with Michael, I don't see a conflict here.
ReplyDeleteYes. Your hook is good. Streamline synopsis to get to the 'date of their own choosing' sooner!
ReplyDeleteNo. Too long and I can't figure out a dilemma.
ReplyDeleteYes. But almost no with the backstory up front. After that, the hook and premise are interesting and I like the voice.
ReplyDeleteNo. Needs to be more focused; conflict needs to be more than just friends making up because one is dying.
ReplyDeleteNo. I don't see a plot.
ReplyDeleteNo - but I don't read much women's fiction so that's a hard call for me. That last line intrigues me "a date of her own choosing" as I'm not really sure what that means. But overall, it just seems like the book is going to be a lot of flash backs and not much forward story.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't too bad but it feels like you spend too much time focusing on the friendship and not enough on establishing what the friendship means to this journey (and her decision).
Close but no. I don't see enough of the conflict of what drives this story forward.
ReplyDeleteNo. Some of the word choices- "Her and her best friend", "had exchanged" get in the way of me following this query. I'd streamline and polish. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYes. "...date of her own choosing." Hmm. Physician-assisted suicide. I think that's interesting. Maybe move things around in your query and hook us sooner.
ReplyDeleteNo for me
ReplyDeleteNo, but mostly personal taste because of the euthanasia angle, and I don't read much women's fiction. Though I do like the sentence that mentions the expiration date.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to be less vague about what caused the rift in the friendship to give a stronger sense of the conflict and what these two friends have to overcome.
I also thought of Beaches, but to me that was a plus.
No. However I might change to Yes if there was sharper conflict. Why did they sever the friendship? You are keeping it secret, but I suspect here is the hook.
ReplyDeleteNo. But it's mostly a matter of taste. I'd agree with the others though about putting the 'date of her own choosing' bit earlier in the query to show the main conflict.
ReplyDeleteYes, but it would be a stronger "yes" if I got a bit more hint of backstory: What is the troubled past? Why did the friends split to begin with? And what drives Valene to go back to California -- in other words, what's at stake for her?
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteGrain of salt: Chick lit isn't my thing. However, (and this is probably why it's not my thing), the query makes it sound like two women sitting around reminiscing, which bores me. The hook was that the one woman is planning to commit suicide, but it's way at the bottom, after a bunch of set up...
Sorry... "Chick lit" is potentialy offensive. I mean to say "Women's fiction" and got lazy.
ReplyDeleteTentative yes. I know this is literary fiction, and I like the premise, but I'd only ask for the first few chapters to see if the author's writing was strong enough. That's what it will depend upon.
ReplyDeleteI'm hesitant because 91,000 words seems about 20,000 words too long for this story.
No, but definitely a personal preference thing.
ReplyDeleteNo, but I do like stories like this; Paring down the query to the plot essentials, removing cliche statements and focusing on what the two characters need to overcome will strengthen this.
ReplyDeleteYes, but only a couple of chapters. I'm afraid this story may not have enough conflict. Maybe if you hinted at why they had a falling out and why it's so important for them to reconcile? Right now the story seems very generic.
ReplyDeleteNo. It feels overwritten to me, and I worry the MS would be the same.
ReplyDeleteNo, mainly due to personal preference (I don't do weepers). But I would suggest paring down the query and adding more conflict, as others have said.
ReplyDeleteYes - but I think your query is too long.
ReplyDeleteNo, too much backstory and not enough plot or tension.
ReplyDeleteBut can I also say that Dying to See You would make a great title for a story like this?
ReplyDeleteNo. Marginally. I like the concept of this but had to many questions to give it a yes.
ReplyDelete