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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

August First Line Grabber #16

TITLE: DUSTED
GENRE: YA Urban Fantasy

Brina knew better than to go out in public looking less than her questionable best.

71 comments:

  1. Yes. I have reservations, though. If the MC's a complete narcisist, I'll put it down immediately, but I'd give it at least half a page to see if it's something I would like.

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  2. Yes, shows me that Brina is strong and perhaps proud and suggests that something is happening that she's trying to hide. I want to know more.

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  3. No. It feels awkward, like I know what the writer is trying to say, but there has to be a better way to say it.

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  4. Yes. There's enough characterization that I want to know more about Brina. Though the word 'questionable' did throw me a bit.

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  5. No. She sounds both narcissistic and emo. I'd keep reading, but I'm kind of put off by books that start out with something related to the MC's physical description.

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  6. No. It doesn't raise any questions, and it is slightly unoriginal.

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  7. No: i second the emo comment

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  8. Yes. I'm curious as to why she feels this way. But I also agree with Amanda about the awkwardness of the word 'questionable'.

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  9. No. the word questionable bothers me.

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  10. No. Sentence structure was awkward. I had to reread the end.

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  11. No. Not interesting. We should all try to look decent. Never know who you might meet.

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  12. No.

    I hate vain characters. That's all I see here.

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  13. No. I don't really care about a character obsessing about their looks and not loving the 'questionable'.

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  14. No. I agree that this doesn't set up a character I'd be at all interested in knowing more about.

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  15. NO. What is her "questionable best?" It sounds like you meant absolute best. That little bit threw me off.

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  16. No -- the sentence feels awkward to me, and the issue of whether or not she looks her best doesn't really grab me.

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  17. Yes, I like the voice and the word "questionable" shows that she isn't a narcissist.

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  18. No. Questionable best? I don't understand...

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  19. Yes, intrigued enough to read the next line. If her best is questionable, why is it so important to look that way?

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  20. No. The MC seems shallow and I don't understand what "questionable best" means.

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  21. Yes, funny! Shows she's not that vain and has a sense of humor.

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  22. Yes, I had those moments in high school (YA) and am wondering what makes her appearance questionable.

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  23. Yes. 'questionable best' means she's maybe got some self image issues and that makes her flawed, which I love. I want to know more.

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  25. No. I was tripped up by what the heck, 'less than her questionable best' means.

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  26. Yes - I want to know what questionable best means.

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  27. Yes. Kind of funny and made me chuckle.

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  28. Yes. But it better pick up. I'm questioning some snottiness in MC, but that could be fun. Or it could be just plain annoying and I'd put the book down.

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  29. Yes. Offers an immediate conflict, but the word 'questionable' is awkward.

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  30. No. I don't think this is the strongest way to start your book.

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  31. No. You lost me at 'questionable best.'

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  32. No. It seems like too many opening sentences start with cliches like "she knew better than to..." and I didn't quite understand looking her "questionable best."

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  33. Yes
    I'd like to see what happens since she doesn't look very good.

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  34. No. I like the "questionable best" here, but I don't really like reading about characters who are overly concerned with physical appearance.

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  35. No. I was confused about questionable best. It sounds nice, but didn't complete the picture for me.

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  36. Yes. BecauseI want to know what questionable best is.

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  37. No, it feels like a sentence that should come later. I got a little tripped up by "questionable best."

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  38. No. Maybe if you added the risk if she did it would be more interesting.

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  39. No. Feels generic. Is there something unique to your story you could start with?

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  40. Yes. I think there is definite voice and it caught my attention.

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  41. Yes. "Questionable best" got me. I want to know what's questionable about it.

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  42. No. This doesn't show me anything interesting about the character.

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  43. No.
    Makes the MC look self-absorbed and 'questionable' best was awkward to me.

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  44. Yes. I like what this says about the character, even though the last half of this is slightly awkward.

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  45. Yes, but only because the word 'questionable' has me curious.

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  46. No. There's no sense of why it matters how she looks, other than because she cares--which isn't that interesting. If there's some horrible repercussion for going out without her mascara, let's see it.

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  47. No. I'm not getting "questionable best", at all. Questionable is negative, so even if it's a matter of her style being different than others', it wouldn't be questionable to her. I'm not sure it means what you want it to say.

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  48. No--blech, she sounds really shallow, and I don't feel any set-up for conflict that I'd care about.

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  49. Yes. I like these people who know better than do whatever anyway.

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  50. No. I have a feel for the character, and it might work better when read with other sentences, but it just doesn't feel that much of a hook to me. Maybe not enough hint at conflict?

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  51. Yes. Suggests conflict and gives us a little hint at Brinna's character. Though, I'm confused about what "her questionable best" means.

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  52. No. Doesn't seem to be my kind of story.

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  53. No. A lot of teen girls are caught up with their appearance, nothing new there. 'Questionable best' lost me.

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  54. No. Questionable best? It doesn't read right for me.

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  55. No.

    I was confused by "questionable best," and wasn't sure if her best is really awesome or her best is actually not so great. The first I couldn't care less about; the second would interest me if it were made clearer.

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  56. No. Too thrown by "questionable best."

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  57. No. Probably because I don't put much stock in how I look before leaving the house.

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  58. No. This character sounds like she'll annoy me too much.

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  59. No. It seems like she thinks she can't live up to someone else's standards and that kind of insecurity doesn't appeal to me.

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  60. No. It's not captivating or unique.

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