TITLE: How It Looks from Here
GENRE: Middle Grade Contemporary
I broke three of Quentin’s rules on my last day at Lupelele Elementary. First: never disobey the Captain. Second: never fight a girl. Third: never lose a fight to a girl. In twenty minutes, about how long it would have taken me to run from one side of the island to the other, I pretty much guaranteed that I’d be laughed at till I graduated from fifth grade.
After I’d cleared out my locker for the last time, I headed across the playground to meet my sister. A crowd on the other side of the courtyard was chanting in a rhythm that could only signal one thing: a fight. We only had about two or three fights per year at our school, and the last time one had broken out, I was grounded for two weeks—and I wasn’t even in it. Quentin thought it was bad for the chief’s grandson to be connected to a fight in any way. Even as a bystander. Stupid rules.
As the chanting grew louder, I weighed my potential punishment against the thrill of seeing a fight up close. The decision took me half a second. I threw my backpack down and ran toward the fight.
I elbowed my way toward the front of the crowd. Faith, the biggest girl in the sixth grade, held down her unlucky opponent with a knee between the girl’s shoulders.
What were the chances of a girl fight? They usually just went around whispering and laughing.
Miss Snark's First Victim
I liked this idea about breaking rules and girls fighting being such a novelty. I have a lot of questions though-- the words captain, chief's son, island all really stood out to me as I read. And I had to look up "Lupelele" to realize it's a school in American Samoa, which helps contextualize the words that tripped me up.
ReplyDeleteSince it's an uncommon setting, and there's a lot of ignorance around the place as I've demonstrated, maybe ground the reader a bit more firmly into the setting.
I really like the fact that so many of the school elements are universal, no matter where it's located, but I think that would help your story stand out sooner.
I adored this excerpt from beginning to end. The only confusion for me was with the note that he would be laughed at until he graduated fifth grade.
ReplyDeleteThis is might be a regional or international difference but since he's graduating elementary school I assumed he was done with fifth grade on that day.
Some clarification would be in order there.
I love the third rule ;)
ReplyDeleteThe part about the chief's grandson gives us lots of information--that's good writing there.
I really like the voice in this and the intro is great. As others said above, I was confused on a couple of points. Is Quentin his grandfather? Are the Captain and the chief too different people? Other than that, though, I thought it was great. Good luck!
ReplyDelete"two" different people :)
ReplyDeleteRule Three made me smile, and I love that this is set in American Samoa. Hooray for kidlit with characters of color!
ReplyDeleteI'm still not sure who Quentin is and I wish I knew the protag's name, but the voice is spot on. You also dangle some great mysteries to hook the reader. Why are the girls fighting? How does the protage get pulled into it? How will Quentin react when he finds out? I would absolutely read on to find out!
I liked this, and would read more. I do worry a little about some of the long sentences in an MG novel. But voice and situation are interesting.
ReplyDeleteFabulous! I'd read on, for all the reasons iterated above--love the uncommon setting and Quentin's third rule.
ReplyDeleteLove the voice in this one!
ReplyDeleteAn absolutely killer opening. I guess the location didn't really bother me as I'm used to living in a fantasy realm but American Samoa - what a cool setting!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the voice and could see myself reading more.
Maybe I grew up in a tough neighborhood but we had girl fights all the time.
ReplyDeleteI liked the opening of this, esp the third rule.
I also had a question about the graduating from 5th grade thing.
I think the voice is intereting though. Good luck with this.
I like the list of rules, and the fact that the MC violated three of them so quickly, and that we understand some basics about the landscape. But I want to learn who Quentin is, too. I would definitely read more.
ReplyDelete