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Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Logline Critique Round Two #23

TITLE: Pursuit of Craze
GENRE: Urban Fantasy

Allie Trask thought turning 30 was scary enough, but when seven wicked Nephilim come to Earth to lay claim to her boyfriend's life, she realizes she must prepare to battle much more than just crow's feet.

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12 comments:

  1. Bill ScottOctober 9, 2012 at 10:27 AM

    I got hung up on not knowing what Nephilim are.

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  2. jnOctober 9, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    I was okay with Nephilim given the genre and knowing they are wicked. Consider summarizing a bit more.

    Allie Trask thought turning 30 was scary enough, but when seven wicked Nephilim come to claim her boyfriend's life, she realizes she must battle more than crow's feet.

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  3. sgfOctober 9, 2012 at 12:18 PM

    I like the voice; cute! I don't have any suggestions!

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  4. ewokloveOctober 9, 2012 at 12:30 PM

    Cute! Clean and clear. (And under control?)

    I know about Nephilim, so that wasn't an issue.

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  5. PatchiOctober 9, 2012 at 1:13 PM

    I didn't care that I didn't know what Nephilim were. I like the shorter version above too.

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  6. UnknownOctober 9, 2012 at 2:02 PM

    Hey! I can dig it! And I've read several books with Nephilim that are totally different in many ways, so I was fine with that. ;-)

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  7. Feaky SnuckerOctober 9, 2012 at 2:50 PM

    'Allie thought turning 30 was scary, but when seven wicked Nephilim come to Earth and lay claim to her boyfriend's life, she realizes she must battle something worse than crow's feet.'

    Just a couple words cut. I like the sound of this one:)

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  8. UnknownOctober 9, 2012 at 4:59 PM

    Fun voice. I'm buying the hardback.

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  9. MaryOctober 9, 2012 at 5:44 PM

    Who has crow's feet at 30? Thirty is not old!

    Okay, seriously, I like the sound of this one. I'd pick it up.

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  10. Jason NelsonOctober 10, 2012 at 9:33 AM

    Love the voice. Not sure you need "wicked," as if you tell me they're laying claim to her boyfriend's life, I'm going to automatically assume it isn't for something good. But the humor in the first bit's a nice draw.

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  11. BarbaraOctober 10, 2012 at 9:21 PM

    I think you should identify the antogonists with a brief explanation, and make the thing she has to avoid be something more important than "crow's feet". Unless you mean her feet to into those bird's talons?

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  12. Holly BodgerOctober 11, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    "Prepare to battle" is not a goal unless you book ends with her standing in her room dressed in full armor. What does she actually need to do and why must SHE be the one to do it?

    Good luck!
    Holly

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