For me, it was a bit too vague to really hook me. I know it's sci-fi, so it could mean (and probably does) that he literally walked off the face of the earth, but with only one sentence i couldn't be sure it wasn't hyperbole.
NO but with some detail and some emotional impact, this start could really fly. The genre intrigues me, and the idea intrigues me, but that first sentence does not hook me.
No. I like the idea of this first sentence (especially knowing what the genre is), but I agree with the others that it could use some more details. Even maybe something like "When I was ten, my father walked off the face of the Earth."
No. Missing parents is too common. It also makes me think of a band name or something. It doesn't give life to your mc since the sentence is about the missing father.
No. It's dramatic, which can be a good thing, but it needs a little more to get us to care about the MC and what happens next - otherwise it's overly dramatic.
No--it tells me about the father, but nothing about the main character--other than his/her father walked off the face of the Earth. Not enough curiosity.
I want to see the next sentence. I'm taking this literally, as the cliche is normally "dropped off" and this is sci-fi. I'm curious as to whether this starts to set up the environment.
Yes. Because it's sci-fi, I'm taking this sentence to be literal. And I like the play on the 'dropped off the face of the earth' - that it's 'walked off'. I assume the MC is 14 as that's what's in the title, so I think this sentence suits the voice of a 14-year old. If his/her father literally walked off the face of the earth..well then maybe the earth is a face, and he walked off the cheek bone...and where did he go. I would read on.
No. I think for first person, I want to know more about the MC from the first line. How does the father walking off the face of the earth impact him/her?
Yes. Because it's science fiction I'm hoping you're being literal. The word "face" throws me a bit, though, if the rest of the sentence is literal. Since the word is used within the cliche, consider a fresher image.
No--it's too vague. This could mean he walked out of her life, that he became a missing person, or that he actually walked off the face of the earth, which I suspect, since it's SF.
The thing is, I don't know. Give us something that allows us to know. Maybe add something more to the sentence.
No. BUT I think if an age is added, as in "I was nine when my dad walked off the face of the earth," for instance, the intensity and emotion is upped to "yes" level.
Yes. Because this is middle grade. As a genre, something like this WORKS. I know, as someone who adores middle grade novels, that this first sentence is meant literally. There is no doubt in my mind, especially combined with the title and genre. Actually, both the title and the first sentence have the same strain of humor...straight forward facts given in a MG deadpan voice. (This is how kids view the world. Deal with it). LOVE IT.
No
ReplyDeleteFor me, it was a bit too vague to really hook me. I know it's sci-fi, so it could mean (and probably does) that he literally walked off the face of the earth, but with only one sentence i couldn't be sure it wasn't hyperbole.
No as well. It feels as you went for a dramatic effect but I'd like more, as Sarah said, it's a bit unclear.
ReplyDeleteNo. I envision it continuing as "Literally. One day he..." and I don't like to be teased that way.
ReplyDeleteNO but with some detail and some emotional impact, this start could really fly. The genre intrigues me, and the idea intrigues me, but that first sentence does not hook me.
ReplyDeleteNo. I like the idea of this first sentence (especially knowing what the genre is), but I agree with the others that it could use some more details. Even maybe something like "When I was ten, my father walked off the face of the Earth."
ReplyDeleteNo - although it does interest me a little, I feel like there isn't enough here to draw me in completely.
ReplyDeleteNo. If you're being literal, say so. If not, this sounds cliche.
ReplyDeleteNo. Tell me something about the MC.
ReplyDeleteI was fourteen when my father...
I was eating oatmeal in the kitchen when I found out my father...
I was watching utube when I saw my father.
More interesting than any of those of course.
Yes. I'd read the next sentence and possibly the entire paragraph based on this sentence.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's trite unless he literally walked off the face of the earth.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's trite unless he literally walked off the face of the earth.
ReplyDeleteNo. Missing parents is too common. It also makes me think of a band name or something. It doesn't give life to your mc since the sentence is about the missing father.
ReplyDeleteYes. It wasn't super grabby, but it was enough to get me to read the rest of the paragraph.
ReplyDeleteYes. It's a nice, solid image to hook the reader in. Would definitely move forward to hear more.
ReplyDeleteNo. I think it needs a little more to be intriguing.
ReplyDeleteNo - the opening line that doesn't make sense doesn't do it for me.
ReplyDeleteNo. It's dramatic, which can be a good thing, but it needs a little more to get us to care about the MC and what happens next - otherwise it's overly dramatic.
ReplyDeleteNo-- though with a few more details about why this is a big deal or how it affected the narrator, I might keep going.
ReplyDeleteMmm... no, but a near no. This is an interesting line, but I don't really know what it means, so I sort of have the wrong questions.
ReplyDeleteNo--it tells me about the father, but nothing about the main character--other than his/her father walked off the face of the Earth. Not enough curiosity.
ReplyDeleteNo.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Judy Mintz:
"No. I envision it continuing as "Literally. One day he..." and I don't like to be teased that way."
Yes.
ReplyDeleteI want to see the next sentence. I'm taking this literally, as the cliche is normally "dropped off" and this is sci-fi. I'm curious as to whether this starts to set up the environment.
"Off the face of the Earth" is too much of a cliché. Now, if you'd said something exceptionally different, then you'd have me.
ReplyDeleteYes. Because it's sci-fi, I'm taking this sentence to be literal. And I like the play on the 'dropped off the face of the earth' - that it's 'walked off'. I assume the MC is 14 as that's what's in the title, so I think this sentence suits the voice of a 14-year old. If his/her father literally walked off the face of the earth..well then maybe the earth is a face, and he walked off the cheek bone...and where did he go. I would read on.
ReplyDeleteNo. I think for first person, I want to know more about the MC from the first line. How does the father walking off the face of the earth impact him/her?
ReplyDeleteNo. Too cliché.
ReplyDeleteNo
ReplyDeleteA little too vague for me, I'm not sure if you meant literally or figuratively.
Yes. Because it's science fiction I'm hoping you're being literal. The word "face" throws me a bit, though, if the rest of the sentence is literal. Since the word is used within the cliche, consider a fresher image.
ReplyDeleteYes
ReplyDeleteNo--it's too vague. This could mean he walked out of her life, that he became a missing person, or that he actually walked off the face of the earth, which I suspect, since it's SF.
ReplyDeleteThe thing is, I don't know. Give us something that allows us to know. Maybe add something more to the sentence.
Yes - I would read on
ReplyDeleteYes. Definitely.
ReplyDeleteYes. I just like the sound of it. It can be both literal and metaphoric, since it´s sci-fi.
ReplyDeleteNo. BUT I think if an age is added, as in "I was nine when my dad walked off the face of the earth," for instance, the intensity and emotion is upped to "yes" level.
ReplyDeleteYes, but I really like sci-fi. At the very least, I want to keep reading to find out if this is literal. I'm really hoping that it is!
ReplyDeleteYes, absolutely. Great intriguing first line!
ReplyDeleteNo. Doesn't ring true. The Earth doesn't have a face to walk off.
ReplyDeleteYes, but barely. I would give it a paragraph or two to find out where you're going.
ReplyDeleteYes. Because this is middle grade. As a genre, something like this WORKS. I know, as someone who adores middle grade novels, that this first sentence is meant literally. There is no doubt in my mind, especially combined with the title and genre. Actually, both the title and the first sentence have the same strain of humor...straight forward facts given in a MG deadpan voice. (This is how kids view the world. Deal with it). LOVE IT.
ReplyDelete