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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

First Line Grabber #17

TITLE: Man Maid
GENRE: Contemporary Romance

Friday shouldn't start with a dead cat, that seemed more like a Monday sort of problem.

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51 comments:

  1. Eliza CreweApril 9, 2014 at 8:39 AM

    YES! Because it's hilarious, pithy, and I can hear the voice already.

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  2. Jean DavisApril 9, 2014 at 8:44 AM

    Yes. Love the voice.

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  3. @ilenegoldApril 9, 2014 at 9:14 AM

    Yes! Great voice and a question that I want answered: What dead cat?

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  4. AnonymousApril 9, 2014 at 9:44 AM

    Yes. Love the voice and love how you opened things!

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  5. Leah PetersenApril 9, 2014 at 10:22 AM

    Yes! LOVE! This one made me laugh and that's always a bonus.

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  6. Bree RApril 9, 2014 at 11:51 AM

    Yes. Definitely laughed and that's great to do on just the first line!

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  7. Julia ByersApril 9, 2014 at 12:01 PM

    YES. Great voice, and lots of intrigue. I am a bit worried about the comma splice, but other than that, this is fantastic.

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  8. LanetteApril 9, 2014 at 12:06 PM

    Yes. Loved the voice.

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  9. HeatherApril 9, 2014 at 12:27 PM

    Yes! Hehehehe so funny and snarky. I like this MC already

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  10. Lady ChipApril 9, 2014 at 12:29 PM

    Yes. This has a strong voice and an interesting tone. However, I will admit, being an animal lover, it was close.

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  11. Sarah AhiersApril 9, 2014 at 12:41 PM

    Yes.

    Loved the humor and the voice. Though i do think it would work better as two sentences . . .

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  12. danikaApril 9, 2014 at 12:43 PM

    Yes, because it's original and made me laugh. And When I saw it was contemporary romance, I liked it even better. Voice and humour.

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  13. UnknownApril 9, 2014 at 1:34 PM

    Yes - It sounds sad, and the voice is interesting, though I think you need an em dash rather than a comma after cat.

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  14. MarilynApril 9, 2014 at 1:56 PM

    Yes-Great voice. I want to know what else is going to happen on Friday!

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  15. BEApril 9, 2014 at 1:59 PM

    Yes

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  16. BEApril 9, 2014 at 2:15 PM

    Forgot my comment, thought it was funny, caught my attention and totally agree with the MC's sentiment.

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  17. Chelly WritesApril 9, 2014 at 2:15 PM

    Yes
    -loving the voice here. I want to see where this is going.

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  18. Heidi StallmanApril 9, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    Yes, love the voice. Funny. Although technically shouldn't that be two sentences or at least some other punctuation besides a comma? That tripped me up a bit, but not enough to not enjoy this.

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  19. C. R. BaileyApril 9, 2014 at 2:24 PM

    Yes.
    But only just. I'm reluctant to start a story about a dead cat. But I do want to know why that wouldn't be a Friday problem. Seems like a black-cat, Friday-the-thirteenth problem.

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  20. HepsebaALHHApril 9, 2014 at 2:34 PM

    Yes. You've piqued my curiosity enough to get me to read the next line, but it would need to maintain strong, clear voice to keep pulling me along.

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  21. KarinB.April 9, 2014 at 2:51 PM

    Yes, I loved it. When I read the first part of the sentence I think the character is going to be concerned about the dead cat, but the second part of the sentence flips my expectation with the character concerned over the day of the week the cat died. This surprise makes me want to read on. Kudos.

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  22. Author Lia MackApril 9, 2014 at 3:08 PM

    YES. Great voice and I can tell this is going to be a fun read ;)

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  23. LaurenApril 9, 2014 at 3:17 PM

    Yes. Humorous, full of personality, and I want to know what's up with this character.

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  24. UnknownApril 9, 2014 at 3:47 PM

    Yes. It's funny. I believe the character has some sarcastic tendencies, and I'm looking forward to spending a few hundred pages with her. I assume she's a she, but I'll be happy if I'm surprised otherwise.

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  25. SanWritesApril 9, 2014 at 4:02 PM

    Yes, because of the first sentence. NO because it is two sentences and does not fit the criteria.

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  26. SuzanneApril 9, 2014 at 4:22 PM

    Yes, I love the humor.

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  27. Margo BerendsenApril 9, 2014 at 4:23 PM

    Yes. But as others pointed out, his was cheating, grammatically it should be two sentences. But its awesome. I would've cheated on this one too!

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  28. MargotGApril 9, 2014 at 4:46 PM

    Yes. First, it made me laugh. The voice here is very engaging.

    Second, I could totally relate to the Monday vs. Friday idea. By Friday, I just want to chill out, order a pizza and watch TV. I don't want to deal with a dead anything.

    I was also intrigued by the title, given the genre. This could prove interesting.

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  29. UnknownApril 9, 2014 at 4:55 PM

    Yes.
    I really like the voice in this sample. I keep reading to hear more about her and her life.

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  30. JennApril 9, 2014 at 4:58 PM

    Yes, already like the voice.

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  31. SMKraftyApril 9, 2014 at 5:05 PM

    YES- Love it- lots of promise

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  32. Yellow Post-itApril 9, 2014 at 5:23 PM

    Yes. Because of what everyone else has said. But there really should be a semicolon or em-dash instead of a comma.

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  33. KathleeaApril 9, 2014 at 6:44 PM

    Yes. The voice is spot-on. You need an em dash or break it into two sentences though for a greater impact.

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  34. Candice CApril 9, 2014 at 7:07 PM

    Yes. Even with the grammatical mistake, I laughed.

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  35. AnonymousApril 9, 2014 at 7:09 PM

    Yes. The voice has me interested to read more.

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  36. BeckyApril 9, 2014 at 8:17 PM

    Yes. Not my genre, but this line captured me. Great use of irony. In the protag's internal monologue, this promises a story about someone with wit and humor. Definitely engaging.

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  37. Leandra WallaceApril 9, 2014 at 8:31 PM

    Yes. Like the voice!

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  38. SylviaApril 9, 2014 at 9:12 PM

    Yes. Great voice! And strangely true...

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  39. Lena CoakleyApril 9, 2014 at 9:43 PM

    Yes! Good, funny voice. While a comma splice isn't always incorrect (according to Strunk and White) so many people think it is that you might consider changing it.

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  40. BrigidGApril 10, 2014 at 2:51 AM

    Yes! Hilarious. Very funny, droll. It's so ridiculous and heartless at the same time. More! I am still smiling :)

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  41. KayCApril 10, 2014 at 6:16 AM

    Yes. I love the voice.

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  42. UnknownApril 10, 2014 at 7:19 AM

    Yes. For all the reasons stated above. Voice and dry humor.

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  43. therealtwinmomApril 10, 2014 at 9:07 AM

    Yes - So funny! Would love to ride along with this voice to see the crazy journey.

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  44. UnknownApril 10, 2014 at 2:33 PM

    Yes. It was the dead cat reference. I would have read more just because of that.

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  45. Danielle La PagliaApril 10, 2014 at 4:05 PM

    Yes. You made me chuckle. I'd keep reading.

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  46. L.C. McGeheeApril 10, 2014 at 6:20 PM

    Yes. This is very funny and the voice is effective -- but you definitely need to correct the punctuation! As others have said, the comma after 'cat' is incorrect since it needs to be either a dash or a semicolon.

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  47. StephscoApril 10, 2014 at 6:32 PM

    Yes, I like the voice. (Though I think this is two sentences.)

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  48. don't hate meApril 10, 2014 at 6:44 PM

    Yes. I like the voice and I CAN SO RELATE!

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  49. BarbaraApril 10, 2014 at 6:47 PM

    No.

    Because to me, that's two sentences with the period taken out and replaced with a comma, and other people didn't get two sentences.

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  50. jhApril 10, 2014 at 9:35 PM

    Yes. though the combination of 'cat' and 'Monday' makes me immediately think of Garfield...

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  51. kristine NApril 11, 2014 at 7:48 AM

    Yes, though it reads like it should be two sentences.

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